SC 137 - How to Re-Parent A Triggered Partner

Relationship School Podcast

Jayson Gaddis

Relationships, Relationshippodcast, Sex, Relationshipadvice, Society & Culture, Jaysongaddispodcast, Health & Fitness, Mental Health

4.6 • 981 Ratings

🗓️ 3 July 2017

⏱️ 15 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Dealing with a partner who is triggered can be difficult - especially if they respond negatively to your help.

Maybe you’ve been here before: your partner is upset about something, you do your best to give them some encouraging words or to calm them down, but no matter what you do, your partner’s gets more and more upset (or worse... now upset with you for trying to help).

If you’ve ever been in this situation before and want to know how to prevent it, this episode is for you.

QUESTION:
How do we re-parent our partner, and meet them in regressive child-like states when they are triggered without infantilizing them? I find when I go into nurturing mode when my partner is triggered, he often responds with aggression, I think in part because it feels emasculating or patronizing, or possibly because he doesn’t feel lovable in those moments.
- Caitlin

SHOWNOTES

Caitlin’s question [4:00]
Why do men get triggered when you try to help them? [5:00]
How to take care of your man without him feeling emasculated [6:00]
Learning how to help each other when you’re triggered [7:00]
What to do when your partner responds to your support with aggression [10:00]

Transcript

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0:00.0	So, What's up guys? Jason Gatis here back with another episode of the
0:25.2	relationship school's Smart Couple Podcast. Yeah, if it sounds a little
0:31.2	echoy or strange, that's because I'm sitting in a rental car right now.
0:40.0	In Santa Cruz, California, on the coast, basically.
0:47.1	And I'm on a little family vacation
0:50.1	and one of the reasons I love my job
0:52.2	is because I can do this I can travel with my family
0:57.2	and bust out the mic and my laptop and record a short podcast to help you.
1:06.2	Pretty cool, right?
1:07.5	So I'm grateful to be here right now.
1:12.4	Even though it's a little weird.
1:15.0	We're kind of in a glamping campground-ish place.
1:19.0	There's people everywhere roasting smores around fires and I'm in a car talking about marriage
1:28.8	and relationship. Yeah wouldn't be cool if I like called everybody.
1:34.0	Hey guys, come on over.
1:37.0	I'm about to talk about why you're struggling in your marriage.
1:41.0	Come check this out.
1:42.0	I think it would be pretty funny. And most people would be like,
1:46.0	I don't need that, but then they're going to go into their tent, their cabin, their hotel
1:51.4	room, and they're going to sleep on opposite sides of the bed.
1:56.4	You know, so thank you for being the kind of person that's being honest with yourself that it's challenging in a long-term
2:05.8	relationship because it is. So the other cool thing about being here in
	...

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