SC 108 - How To Feel Safe In Your Relationship - Bonnie Badenoch

Relationship School Podcast

Jayson Gaddis

Relationships, Relationshippodcast, Sex, Relationshipadvice, Society & Culture, Jaysongaddispodcast, Health & Fitness, Mental Health

4.6 • 981 Ratings

🗓️ 22 March 2017

⏱️ 68 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

What is co-regulation and how do I feel safe in my relationship? In this episode my guest Bonnie Badenoch goes deep into the co-regulatory nervous system. We discuss the importance of interpersonal neurobiology and how we can regulate each other. She covers the myth and limitations of self-regulation and what we must learn instead. Bonnie is a psychotherapist and healer devoted to helping people feel safe in their own skin. We cover a lot of ground in this one, and I recommend going slow and maybe even listening twice.

The myth of 'self-regulation' [13:00]
What happens when we're co-disregulated [15:00]
How we can feel safe by using a third person [20:00]
Why co-regulation is so vital to our sense of safety and security [25:00]
If you think your partner is in their 'left-brain' too often, they might be experiencing this type of acute pain [36:00]
The little-known third branch of the autonomic nervous system [41:00]
How feeling helpless can mimic death in the body [46:00]

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Transcript

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0:00.0	When you scan somebody who's pretty left-centric and show them pictures faster than they can record,
0:05.2	you know, see what the picture is, of scenes of attachment, their brain goes into a lot of painful activation,
0:13.3	a lot of amygdala activation, which indicates fear and pain.
0:17.2	And when you pull them out of the scanner
0:18.6	and ask them about it, they didn't experience anything. Hi and welcome back to the Mark Couple podcast episode 108.
0:47.0	108.
0:48.0	That's a special number in some traditions.
0:52.0	Anyway, welcome. special number in some traditions.
0:52.8	Anyway, welcome.
0:55.3	If you're just joining us,
0:56.8	this is a podcast about how to have
1:00.8	an excellent long-term relationship.
1:04.0	And we assert that in order to do that, you will need to look at your shit in the mirror.
1:12.0	That means, translation means you will need to work on yourself.
1:15.9	You'll need to be into growth and development. Otherwise you don't stand a chance
1:20.5	at making it over many, many, many years.
1:26.3	With kids, life's challenges, financial troubles,
1:29.7	sinking up your values, value differences, and all the complexity that happens in a partnership.
1:38.8	If you're not willing to look at yourself in the mirror and own your stuff and work through some stuff alone and together,
1:46.2	I just don't see it happening. So here at the smart couple, we give you tools and a map that will give you resources to get through the
1:58.5	inevitable hard times that come up so that's what we're really about and welcome. If you're returning, welcome
2:07.6	back, it's good to have you here. Thanks for all your feedback, suggestions, reviews.
	...

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