This is NPR's Life Kit. I'm Megan Kane. I'm the managing producer. For years now, I have

identified as a people pleaser. I took so much pride in being the co-worker who took on every project,

even if I had too much on my plate. I was also the friend who said yes to every happy hour invite,

even though I knew I just really had to do laundry that night. But what could I do? I was a certified

grade A people pleaser. This was my identity, right? I do think that the world does socialise a lot

of us into being people pleases and people pleasing is a habit. That's Natalie Liu. I am a writer,

blogger, speaker, podcaster over on my website baggage reclaim.com which just turned 15 at the weekend.

Wow, figure out so fast. I know, I know, I feel like it's approaching adulthood and I have to figure out

what university it's going to go to. Natalie says people pleasing doesn't need to be so

deeply intertwined with our identities because it's actually a habit and while it's not easy,

habits can change. You'd be amazed as well at how many people, I'm just such a people pleaser,

but they actually don't really know what that means or how that's showing up in their life. Whereas

actually it's like if you can even cut back on people pleasing you will find that life is very

different for you very very quickly. For me, I'm in my 40s and I feel like I've entered a phase

in my life where I care less and less about what people think or what people expect of it.

Oh, it feels good. It feels so good. Let's take 40s of videos together.

Our hope today is to maybe speed up that clock a little bit, right? Yes, exactly.

This episode of LifeKit curbing people pleasing and how it's not just about saying no.

So let's just get a definition straight. What does people pleasing look like? What do people

think it looks like and what are some actually in serious ways that people please they don't even

realize it? A lot of people think that people pleasing equals being a doormat and being a second.

But people pleasing is basically doing what might for all intentions and purposes be good things

...