Savage Lovecast Episode 986

Savage Lovecast

Dan Savage

Society & Culture, Health & Fitness, Sexuality, Relationships

4.7 • 6.3K Ratings

🗓️ 23 September 2025

⏱️ 53 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Enter to win a free Magnum subscription at savage.love/survey A gay man is lucky to be in a throuple relationship. But he worries that he's having too much sex, and thinking about sex so much that it's distracting him at work. Is he a sex addict? What can he do to cool his fevered libido? A strong, confident woman likes casual hook-ups. Her friends joke that she is "a boy on the inside." Her (and our) question is: What is wrong with these people??!! How can she get them to stop, and consider how misogynist this is? Our guest this week is Elise Loehnen, the New York Times bestselling author of "On Our Best Behavior: The Seven Deadly Sins and the Price Women Pay to be Good." She is also the host of the podcast, "Pulling the Thread." She and Dan talk about the role that envy plays in the scrutiny of women, slut shaming, lust, and how to work on our relationships with right-wingers. They had a lot to talk about! Some of it is on the Micro, the whole thing is on the Magnum. A woman's new boyfriend was sexually abused by his previous girlfriend. He felt pressured by her to have sex, and it's resulted in his being unable to get hard for the caller. She worries her own excitement will be interpreted as pressure. How can they create safe, loving intimacy as he gets over the previous toxicity? This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. They make it easy to build a website or blog. Give it a whirl at Squarespace.com/Savage and if you want to buy it, use the code Savage for a 10% off your first purchase. This episode is brought to you by Helix Sleep. Right now, Helix is offering 27% off site wide. Go to HelixSleep.com/Savage. With Helix, better sleep starts now. This episode is brought to you by Feeld, a dating app where the open-minded can meet the like-minded. Download Feeld on the App Store or Google Play. Got a Q? Dan's got an A. [email protected] 206-302-2064 Dan Savage is a sex-advice columnist, podcaster, author, and creator of the It Gets Better Project and high-volume producer of cultural neologisms. Santorum, pegging, GGG, tolyamory, monogamish! Dan came up with them and Dan can take them away.

Transcript

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0:00.0	You're listening to the Savage Lovecast, Dan Savage's Sex and Relationship Show for grownups.
0:05.1	If you're under 18, get out of here, young and...
0:08.0	If you're stuck in a relationship quandary, or if you're looking for sexual harmony,
0:18.2	while there's nothing you can't ask on the saddest love cast.
0:26.8	Dating is frustrating.
0:28.5	It's hard to find what you're looking for.
0:30.7	And if what you're looking for,
0:32.0	what you're trying to leverage into your life using your dick as a lover is a husband. I'm obviously talking about gay dating here.
0:40.2	Meeting guy after guy after guy who already has a husband but wants to work your lover anyway.
0:46.3	I can understand how frustrating that might be. And I certainly understand that frustrated guys
0:52.6	need to vent, which is what one frustrated guy
0:56.0	did on Instagram last week, where he went to, in his own words, have a complete meltdown.
1:02.9	I want to play it for you now. As meltdowns go, it is very short to the point, but content warning,
1:09.2	it's very shoddy, unpleasantly shouty.
1:12.9	Listeners with auditory sensitivities or who don't like being shouted at might want to turn
1:17.6	the volume way down for just a few seconds or skip ahead.
1:22.0	I'm going to play it now, this shouty clip in three, two, one.
1:27.7	I don't want to be in an open relationship.
1:31.6	Why is every gay person I know fucking somebody other than their husband?
1:36.9	All right, for those of you skipped ahead to avoid the shouting, here's the full quote read out in a calm and collected tone of boys.
1:43.7	I don't want to be in an open relationship.
1:47.1	Why is every gay person I know fucking somebody other than their husband? One of my follows,
	...

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