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If you're stuck in a relationship quandary, or if you're looking for sexual harmony,

while there's nothing you can't pass on the Savage Lovecast.

Hey, everybody, welcome to the show.

This is Dan Savage, and you are listening to the Savage Lovecast, the once-a-week, out-loud version of my sex advice column, Savage Love.

The number here, if you want to record a question for a future podcast, 206, 201, 2720. If you're a new downloader, here's how it works.

People call me. They record questions. I listen to them. I give answers. Sometimes I call people

back. We have a gas. Let's get to the calls.

Hi, Dan. I am a 23-year-old, mostly straight female, and I have a conundrum. The background to this is last year when I was a senior in college.

I began a flirtation with a friend of mine who was a non-traditional student.

He was older, who's 30, and married with a kid.

And he, in the process of our conversations, revealed that he was in an open relationship

when we talked a little bit about it,

and it was sort of unclear what that meant.

But we kept flirting, and then when I revealed my interest in BDSM, he sort of started scratching

me a little bit and pinching me all in public places.

But that escalated, and we ended up flowing around a bunch of times.

It was wonderful and hot.

But after each time, I would become a little bit uncomfortable about his wife and pressed him on what exactly were the terms

of his open relationship. And each time, it was a little bit unclear, and I wasn't really

satisfied with the answer, but was very attracted to him, and so kept on. But he graduated a

semester early, and the couple of times I saw him in the spring semester,

...