You're listening to the micro version of the Savage Lovecast, www.com.

If you're stuck in a relationship quandary, or if you're looking for sexual harmony,

well, there's nothing you can't ask on the savage lovecast.

I was in San Francisco all this week hosting the opening of the annual Hump tour.

Hump, of course, is my little sex and body and diversity and perversity positive porn

film festival, and it's on tour now.

Go to humpfilmfest.com to find out when Hump is coming to a

city near you. Anyway, I hadn't watched the full program since Hump in its 13th annual

outing premiered three months ago in Seattle, but on Saturday night, I sat with some friends in the

balcony of San Francisco's historic Victoria Theater and watched the whole show. And I was immediately

struck by something that hadn't really registered back when we were putting this year's festival

together again and again in film after film I saw people. Men and women, queer and straight,

cis and trans, put two or three fingers into the mouths of their sex partners and feel their tongues, I guess.

It's obviously a power move, a dominance display, one way to seize control of someone else's orifice, hopefully in a way that they enjoy and find sexy.

But I sat there in the theater thinking, oh my God, it's the claw over and over again. The claw is the

name Grace, and I'm assuming everyone knows who Grace is by now, gave to a move Aziz Ansari

pulled on her over and over again by her account in his apartment after a date that left her

feeling victimized. You either read the piece that ran at babe.net under the headline, I went on a date that left her feeling victimized.

You either read the piece that ran at babe.net under the headline, I went on a date with Aziz Ansari. It turned into the worst night of my life, or you've read about it.

I'm not going to dissect the piece or that particular evening in Ansari's apartment or

re-re-re-re-dissect them, but after a meal, Ansari took Grace back to his apartment and repeatedly attempted to initiate sex of some form, sexual intercourse, oral sex.

And according to Grace, Ansari failed again and again and again to pick up on her nonverbal cues.

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