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Hey there, I'm Dan Savage, and you have successfully downloaded a podcast number 4,612,

and a series of the Savage Love podcast, a weekly audio version of my sex advice column, Savage Love.

The number here, if you want to call in with a question, 206, 201, 2720.

Let's get to your fucking fucked up freaky fucking calls.

Hi, Dan.

You can call me Suzanne in San Francisco, 30-year-old straight woman, and I'm bothered by the fact that I can't come without fantasizing that I'm being raped, forced into sex. I never have and never would want to share this with any of my partners and I've been turned on by

the fantasy since I was a kid. I remember masturbating when I was like six and imagining

that I'd been kidnapped and raped and I mean nothing like this ever happened and I was never

lusted or anything as a child but it's still a big turn on.

Anyway, I want to be able to enjoy having sex with my partner without having to imagine this.

And whenever I've tried to just enjoy the reality of the sex, I'm actually having, I just can't get off.

So I'd really appreciate your opinion about this,

and I'm hoping you'll have some advice about how I can learn to come without this fantasy.

All right, thanks. Bye.

Hey, Suzanne. You have my sympathy,

and I feel like I shouldn't even put your call on the air,

because there's really nothing I can do to help you.

If you've been fantasizing about this since you were six years old and you're 30 now, there's nothing I can say

in a podcast that's going to free you from this sexual fantasy. It's going to make it go the fuck

away. You're stuck with it. So the question isn't, how do I have it or why do I have it or how do I get

rid of it? Because that's not, there's no answer. There's no way to get rid of it. You can't reach into your brain and pull out all this hardwiring. The question is how do you deal with it? What do you do about it? And how do you understand it? You don't say whether you're from a religious background and not everyone with rape fantasies or loss of control fantasies or freed from all responsibility for the sex acts that you're engaging in fantasies is from a religious background, but many people who have these fantasies are.

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