Sarah Baldwin - Secure Attachment's Possible, It Just Takes Work

ManTalks Podcast

Connor Beaton

Society & Culture, Education, Health & Fitness, Relationships, Mental Health, Self-improvement

4.8 • 591 Ratings

🗓️ 29 July 2024

⏱️ 57 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Talking points: attachment, relationships, intimacy You’ve heard about attachment. Maybe you’ve discovered you or your partner (or both!) have a specific kind. Ok, cool. But what do you DO with that info? How do you move forward? That’s exactly what Sarah Baldwin and I sat down to discuss. From the deep origins of our survival strategies, to their impact on intimacy, and how to work WITH it all and get some self-security going. Listen in. (00:00:00) - What is a disconfirming experience? (00:07:54) - How do our early experiences with attachment inform the partners we choose later? (00:17:15) - Remember this is all subconscious, very human, and can be changed with work (00:27:47) - What happens in someone’s body when they have a more anxious or avoidant attachment style (00:35:38) - Insights on what to do if you’re avoidant or anxious (00:43:33) - What CAN a securely attached relationship look like? (00:50:57) - How does all of this impact intimacy? Sarah Baldwin is a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner and trauma-trained Life Coach who specializes in helping individuals overcome emotional barriers and trauma. With training in somatic healing, polyvagal theory, and inner child work, she guides clients through a transformative process to achieve a more fulfilling life. Through multiple modalities, Sarah offers a comprehensive coaching approach that to fully support her clients’ growth and well-being, no matter where they’re at in life. Connect with Sarah -Website: https://www.sarahbaldwincoaching.com/ -Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sarahbcoaching/ -Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Sarahbaldwincoaching/ *** Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/ Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	All right, Sarah, welcome to the Man Talk Show. How are you doing today?
0:04.4	I'm really good and excited to be here with you. So thanks for having me on.
0:08.2	Likewise. Likewise. Well, let's start with what is a disconfirming experience?
0:15.1	Just a good question. I think that most people, you know, when I do this work for so long,
0:19.7	my vernacular and the right is I think
0:22.9	are pretty simple or quite complex and that's probably one of them. So just confirming experience
0:28.6	essentially means showing our nervous system that something which was once unsafe is now
0:35.4	safe for us to experience. And it's not something that we can cognitively talk our way into,
0:40.7	meaning if I tell myself that it's safe to ask for help, let's say,
0:46.5	because I know I have loving people in my life.
0:49.2	And cognitively, unrationally speaking, I know that that's true.
0:53.4	When we try to do that, let's say through
0:55.8	mindset work or strictly cognitive behavioral therapy, I might gain an understanding that
1:03.1	is connected to my cortical thinking brain, but my body doesn't understand it. And that's because
1:08.6	our autonomic nervous systems are subcortical or
1:11.3	lives inside of our bodies. And really important to understand that our autonomic nervous
1:16.5	systems don't actually understand a verbal language because they're not connected to our prefrontal
1:21.7	cortex or a thinking brain where language happens. So as we go to communicate, you know, to ourselves cognitively like, oh, I'm safe to
1:30.0	ask for help. My body can't hear that messaging at all. And so my mind might be on board, but my
1:35.6	body's not on board. And so the result of that is my nervous system is saying, that's not safe. I don't
1:40.5	know why you're stepping towards asking for help from a lover or partner or friend or
1:45.2	someone that works with you and we find ourselves feeling dysregulated or our nervous system
	...

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