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astonishing dead letter office. Tonight's episode, kids can be creepy, especially your own.

I think perhaps one of the most unsettling things about parenthood.

And, of course, I am not a parent, but I am speaking as a trained observer here, Scott.

Yes. For the first few years, you I am speaking as a trained observer here, Scott. Yes.

For the first few years, you're essentially living with a stranger who is slowly learning how to be a person.

And it was Michael J. Fox who said, with toddlers especially, you're always on suicide watch.

Toddlers, particularly, especially when they start moving fast, they don't even have to be walking yet.

They can crawl at a million miles an hour. But it's true when they first come out there like

a blank slate, or at least that's what conventional psychology tells us. My wife and I used to joke

that for their first at least four or five months, you're basically dealing with a needy blob

that you must do everything in your power to keep alive.

You provide the input, they provide the output. Yes, food in, poop out. Exactly. But every once in while, you get an output that's not poop and also hasn't been programmed yet. Exactly. You know,

we like to think of toddlers as sponges, just absorbing our words and habits.

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