S2 Ep131: The Eartha Kitt Effect Why Women Are Happily Choosing the Single Life for Life

LOVERS by shan

Sexuality, Society & Culture, Relationships, Health & Fitness

5 • 5.5K Ratings

🗓️ 6 August 2025

⏱️ 42 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

What if “happily ever after” starts and ends with just you?

In this bold and expansive episode, Shan dives into The Eartha Kitt Effect—a cultural and emotional awakening inspired by the legendary performer Eartha Kitt, whose unapologetic views on love, compromise, and individuality continue to resonate decades later. This “effect” refers to the growing movement of people, especially women, who are choosing the single life on purpose, not by default.

Joining Shan is Dr. Bella DePaulo, renowned social psychologist and author of Single at Heart, to unpack why some of the most fulfilled people are not in romantic relationships—and never want to be.

Together, they explore:

🔥 Why Eartha Kitt’s viral interview moment ("Compromise? For what?") sparked a generation of self-partnership
🌱 How choosing not to center romance can lead to deeper personal growth, freedom, and connection
🧠 The science behind happiness in singlehood and the myth of the “incomplete” single person
💔 How media and social norms still stigmatize solo living—and what it looks like to rewrite your own happy ending

Eartha’s now-iconic 1982 interview, where she laughs at the idea of compromising for a man, has become a symbol for self-honoring love. Her words echo across social media as more people step into identities that aren’t centered on romantic validation but on personal wholeness.

Whether you're single by choice, rethinking long-term relationships, or simply seeking permission to define love your way—this episode is your affirmation.

✨ The Eartha Kitt Effect is here so listen now and ask yourself: What if “happily ever after” starts and ends with you?

🔗 Follow Bella DePaulo:
Website: belladepaulo.com
Books: Single at Heart, How We Live Now, and more – Amazon

💞 Want more from Lover?
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Transcript

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0:00.0	Today's young people, by the time they're 50 years old, a quarter of them will have lived single.
0:05.0	Yes. Remember that one is a whole number. I'm now 71. I've always been single. I always will be. I'm single at heart.
0:16.0	Welcome. Bella DiPaulo. Social scientist. Leading expert on single life. And author of single at heart.
0:22.6	I started collecting all these examples in which I felt like I was being treated as
0:28.6	lesser than because I was single.
0:31.6	What are some of the things that you would have missed out on doing if you believe you were
0:34.6	partnered?
0:35.6	You know, I would miss out on every single day, waking up so happy.
0:41.3	For people who are listening to this,
0:43.3	whom feel like they self-sabotage relationships,
0:46.3	what checklist would you offer them to say,
0:49.3	hey, maybe it's not that you're sabotaging good things,
0:52.3	but you're actually trying to preserve the really good thing.
0:55.5	Right.
0:57.0	And...
1:00.0	I'm a hugger.
1:01.8	You're very strong.
1:02.7	I love hugging.
1:03.6	And again, hands are very soft.
1:05.1	Oh, right.
1:06.1	All right.
1:06.9	So I think I know what we're going to talk about.
	...

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