S2 Ep130: No One Talks About How Hard Making Friends As An Adult Is ft. Krista Williams

LOVERS by shan

Sexuality, Society & Culture, Relationships, Health & Fitness

5 • 5.5K Ratings

🗓️ 30 July 2025

⏱️ 58 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Does making friends get harder as you get older? How the hell do I make friends? This episode is a rerun, and it's STILL very accurate.

According to the American Perspective Survey, May 2021, many people are not satisfied with the size of their friendship group. About half of Americans (51 percent) report they are very satisfied or completely satisfied with the number of friends they have. 30 percent say they are only somewhat satisfied, and 17 percent say they are not too or not at all satisfied with the number of friends they have.

If you fall in that range of little to no satisfaction in friendships, here’s what you need to know about creating a bond.

So, how long does it take to make a new friend?
- 50 hours before you consider them a casual friend
- 90 hours before becoming real friends
- 200hours- before becoming close friends

source: 'Journal of Social and Personal Relationships'

As the New York Times reported in 2012, there are “three conditions that sociologists since the 1950s have considered crucial to making close friends: proximity; repeated, unplanned interactions; and a setting that encourages people to let their guard down and confide in each other.” Cultivating emotionally intimate relationships, in other words, takes more work than just compliments.

In this episode, I sit down with my friends Krista and Tabia, and we talk about our friendships, the ups, downs, and the work it takes to make them work.

A special thank you to Kamil Lewis, LMF,T, and Danielle Bayard-Jacskon, Bumble Friendship Expert, for lending their expertise on forming friendships.

Follow the guests on this episode:

Follow Shan:
https://www.instagram.com/shanboodram/
http://tiktok.com/shanboody
/ @loversbyshan

Follow Krista:
https://www.instagram.com/itskrista/
https://www.instagram.com/almost30podcast/

Follow Tabia:
https://www.instagram.com/tabiacharles/

Follow Danielle Bayard-Jackson
https://www.instagram.com/daniellebayardjackson/
https://www.instagram.com/friendforward/

Follow Kamil Lewis, LMFT
https://www.instagram.com/kamil.lewis/?hl=en
https://www.instagram.com/theexpansivegroup/?hl=en
https://www.instagram.com/safewordpod/

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Transcript

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0:00.0	This is a little embarrassing to admit. What I can't do right now that I really, really want to be
0:05.9	able to do is say, I'm going to hang out with my friend tonight. Not because I don't have the time,
0:14.0	but because I don't really have a friend like that. I have my sister, of course, and I love my
0:18.6	sister. I'm not discounting that relationship. I have my husband. I'm not discounting those relationships. But a genuine friend who's not related to me or doesn't have sex with me, that we just have a really great vibe and hang out. And they're the release that I need. I don't really have that friend. And I really would like one like that. I'm 23 years old. I'm 25 years old. I'm 25 years old. I'm 26 years old. I'm 30
0:42.1	years old. I'm 32 years old. I'm 37 years old. I have a small black owned business. I am in school
0:49.0	for Tantra. I live nomadically. I recently landed my dream job, Marry the Love of My Life.
0:55.0	I'm pursuing my dreams on my self-development journey.
0:59.0	I'm a good-ass host.
1:00.0	I have been pursuing higher education.
1:03.0	I could probably go to almost any event and find someone that I know.
1:07.0	And I don't really have friends.
1:09.0	And I don't really have a lot of friends. And I don't really have any friends. I feel like I don't really have friends. And I don't really have a lot of friends.
1:11.7	And I don't really have any friends.
1:13.6	I feel like I don't really have any friends.
1:19.4	Hi, lovers.
1:20.6	I'm taking a one-week vacation back to Toronto, bringing my kids.
1:25.4	They're off from daycare.
1:26.8	And it's also jump up time,
1:28.9	carabana in Toronto, so I get to be skin out on the streets. And I'm actually going specifically
1:35.0	because my friend Andrea Lewis reached out and was like, are you doing carabana this year?
1:39.8	And I was like, I don't think so. She's like, well, I will if you will. And so I was like,
1:43.9	well, I definitely want to if you want to do it with me. So that's why I'm doing it. And that also
	...

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