S17E12: When You're Ready And They're Not w/ Dr. Alexandra Solomon

Dateable: Your insider's look into modern dating and relationships

Yue Xu and Julie Krafchick

Relationships, Sexuality, Science, Social Sciences, Health & Fitness, Society & Culture

4.5 • 877 Ratings

🗓️ 15 November 2023

⏱️ 66 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Talking about the future can be scary – especially if you're not operating at the exact same speed as your partner. We're talking with Dr. Alexandra Solomon about how to navigate a pace discrepancy – whether it's becoming exclusive, moving in together, getting engaged, or entering whatever next life stage. We discuss how to share your needs without making it an ultimatum, tactics to help both the faster-paced and slower-paced partners, and why it's important to determine if you can eventually forward move together or if you simply aren't on the same page. Follow Dr. Alexandra Solomon on Instagram @dr.alexandra.solomon. Check out her new book 'Love Every Day' Follow us @dateablepodcast, @juliekrafchick and @nonplatonic. Check out our website for more content. Also listen to our other podcast Exit Interview w/ iHeart Podcasts available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, iHeartRadio, or wherever you get your podcasts. This episode is sponsored by: Drizly: Download the Drizly app or go to Drizly.com and use promo code FAST5 for $5 off your first order. HoneyLove: Treat yourself to the best shapewear on the market and save 20% Off at honeylove.com with the code DATEABLE BetterHelp: Get 10% off your first month of online therapy at betterhelp.com/dateable with the code DATEABLE Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your next gift at uncommongoods.com/dateable Dateable is part of the Frolic Podcast Network. You can find more outstanding podcasts to subscribe to at frolic.media/podcasts WE WROTE A BOOK! HOW TO BE DATEABLE is available for pre-order now: https://howtobedateable.com/ Meeting People IRL Kickstarter - CLOSES August 31st and get $10 OFF now through then! Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/dateable-podcast/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hi I'm Yui Shue and I'm Julie Kraft Chick. We're active daters turn dating sociologist.
0:05.6	Here to dive into everything modern dating and relationships.
0:09.1	Welcome to the dateable podcast. datable. into dating and dating questions and everything related to relationships
0:25.3	and human connection. We were actually just before we press record we were
0:29.3	just talking about how this is beyond dating. Yes, dating is interesting when we talk about it, but at the core of the topic is human connection.
0:38.8	Yeah. How can we be better humans to each other?
0:41.4	Such a big question. How can we be better humans to each other? Such a big question, how can we be better humans to each other?
0:45.3	I still remember this one review we got when we first started.
0:48.8	This was a long time ago that was like, thank you for helping me not be a trash human being do you remember that yeah
0:55.7	I was stayed with me and I'm like yeah the core of it that's what it comes down to it's true and
1:01.6	so much of dating is like me against you and trying to guess what the other person's thinking.
1:08.0	But we're all having such a human experience together and if we can just bring it to the human level?
1:14.7	Yes.
1:15.7	Wouldn't we all just get along so much better?
1:17.6	I mean I think that's what's been humbling for me when I'm in relationships
1:21.8	because I think when you're dating you don't know the people you're dating well right you just assume that you know if they don't text you back they don't like you because it's all about you that's the only focus you're looking at but when you start to go deeper with people you're like, oh yeah, they
1:36.9	have their own shit, they have their own stuff going on. Like actually that was so eye-opening for me when we first started dateable.
1:45.0	So I remember I was like in it with my X and like going through it and I just remember being like
1:49.6	all the stuff I thought for years how it all centered around me it was missing that lens.
1:55.0	Yes, yes, I was talking to someone yesterday. This is not in the context of dating
2:02.2	but I thought it was related is that someone
2:04.2	sent him an email that he interpreted in a way that was really offensive.
	...

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