The following is intended for bizarre audiences only.

Welcome to the Midnight Library. Madam, let me archive that crusty old copy of the village voice for you before our guests arrive. Here, pass it to me.

Hey, you keep your hair on and your paws off.

I've just found the most interesting thing.

It's a picture of the runner-up pup

in the teacup category of the village's annual dog show.

Madam, you know our local newspaper is barely worth peeing on,

let alone the chance of it being a reliable news source.

Well, the picture of this screen-printed pup looks awfully familiar to me.

Here, look right here.

Oh, no time for that.

I smell our guests arriving.

It must be off.

Uh-huh.

Ah ha ha ha ha ha. Good evening.

Greetings, everyone.

Yes, don't fall behind.

Step quickly and catch up with Mr. Darling and follow him into the reading room please yes quickly

there you go yes miss Amanda he certainly is evasive tonight funny Funny that. Well, here we are.

Please find your favorite spot

and let me thank you for being here on this uncommonly dark night.

I don't know where the moon and stars have gone to. But I'm glad you found your

...