Welcome, friend, glad to see you back to the land of weeping willows, wailing loons, and billowing methane.

Not to mention these things. You know, alligators are smarter than people give them credit for.

Just the other day, I told Chester DeShue, so he goes ahead and yanks the boot right off my foot, smart ass.

Yeah, well, I hope you enjoyed that steel toe on its way out, you scaly prick.

Have yourself a seat. I'll just be a second.

Mmm.

Oh, that's better.

Remember to kill your cigarettes before they kill you, friend.

No one wants to die with half a pack left.

And the same goes for this.

You know, regular whiskey's supposed to put hair

on your chest. This stuff, though, this'll fill in the patchy areas. So smoke them if you got them

and drink those glasses to the bottom because old Drew Blood has two tails to tell. This is season one episode 20 of Drew Blood. You're listening to the standard edition of this program. To enjoy ad-free versions of this and all our episodes as well as hundreds of tales from our audio archaids dating back to 2012, visit Simply Scary Podcast.com and click patrons in the upper menu to sign up today. Thank you for your support. And hey, we're accepting submissions. If you've got a story or two, you'd like to be featured on this show, send it to

Drew Blood Horror at gmail.com.

It's selected, you'll get the full treatment.

Remember if it doesn't say Drew Blood, it's not the real thing. And tonight, we've got two tales from our very own N.M. Brown, Chief Operations Manager for Chilling Tills for Dark Nights.

Now, I've never met any of these chiefs,

and God knows what kind of operations they're having. But there's sure a lot to manage around here,

and Natalie does a damn good job at it, all while writing some pretty damn dark tales. These two

stories hinge on the precarious scale of parenthood, where the highs are extra high and the

lows are stuff of nightmares.

So put the kids to bed while you still can.

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