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Hello Dysfunction

S1 Ep133: Don't Judge Me, But...

Hello Dysfunction

Hello Dysfunction

Improv, Comedy Interviews, Comedy

4.81.9K Ratings

🗓️ 25 June 2021

⏱️ 63 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

There’s a cat in the room and it’s Bunny’s birthday!! Crystal had a Reno getaway, Pata Fria’s had a busy busy week. DNA testing, c-sections are serious, Crystal loves the Tootsie Roll. 

This week’s tv recommendations are:
• 7 Deadly Sins (Showtime) 
• The Accused (Hulu)

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• BetterHelp
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1-888-634-1123

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Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Hi. Hi, we're here. Welcome. Episode 133 of Hello Disfunction. I'm Crystal. And you need to sit down.

0:26.0

I do. She's like standing above the microphone. I'm Padafria. Welcome. There's a fucking cat in here. She's so bad. She's tearing up the carpet under the door. She was knocking on the door with her hand.

0:39.0

Slamming it. So it was like either fucking let this goddamn bitch in. So you're gonna let her stay. I'm gonna throw her out in a minute. I just need her to stop banging that door.

0:51.0

Okay, guys. We're here. Guess what today is? Bunnies birthday. She's her teen birthday. Officially a fucking teenager. She's been acting like one for the past year already. Maybe two. Yeah. Now she's a teenager. Yeah. I'm very excited for her. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know what's new. I think she still has a boyfriend. Who's white? She was like kind of embarrassed to tell me that. She's like, I don't know. I'm like, I don't know what's new. I think she still has a boyfriend. Who's white? She was like kind of embarrassed to tell me that.

1:21.0

I want you to make fun. That's what she said. And I was like, why would I fucking do that? Like, I'm not like that. Right. Um, I forget his name. But yeah, he like wanted to come over something one day. And I was like, we can work that out. I'm not tripping. Um, you're not allowed to shut the bedroom joy. Yeah. I mean, they or even go in the bedroom. Right. And hang out in the living room or something. Yeah. But, um, yeah, it's crazy. Uh, 13 is a big year. I'm trying to think where I was at 13. I was a grown asked woman. Oh, grown woman.

1:51.0

She was a car, a stolen car that I kept for myself. Um, times were very different back then. Yeah. The freedom I had. I was taking part to say like this. Go watch key life. Oh, yeah. Freedom beyond freedom. I wouldn't let the girls take part to the city by themselves. Ever. No. And I was getting on bar at 11. Yes. No adults. Crazy. Um, what was I going to say? I might let her get attached.

2:21.0

Yeah. To hear a nice mom. Stinkers was like, Mommy, don't let her get her tattoo. And I said, Okay, dad, why? And he was like, because she's too fast already. I said, I'm not going to let her get nothing dumb. And I'm not going to let her get any, it anywhere highly visible. Obviously. And he was like, I just don't think. Look at how she dresses already. I don't think you know, he thinks he's a boss of everyone like his junior of his dad. But it works. Like me. But it's like a combination, but like with my attitude, the worst work.

2:51.0

of both worlds.

2:52.4

Oh my God, yesterday we were at a funeral

2:55.6

and he was just bossing us around nonstop.

2:58.1

Like his dad, bossing his dad around me, Mona,

3:01.0

we had to ask him like 25 times,

3:03.1

who are you, who's boss are you?

3:05.5

Like what are you doing?

3:06.5

He was like, I've run this fucking show.

3:08.3

It's just funny because he's been like this

3:10.1

since he was like five years old.

3:11.6

Uh-huh.

3:12.5

And it's just him.

3:13.6

It's a capricorn.

3:14.7

Jesus Christ, you gotta go.

3:17.5

Yeah, let's get this person out of here.

...

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