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The Ricky Gervais Show

S03 E03 - His Lips Fell Off

The Ricky Gervais Show

Ricky Gervais, Stephen Merchant, and Karl Pilkington

Comedy

4.7774 Ratings

🗓️ 1 May 2025

⏱️ 30 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Karl has had a kidney stone, not sure if you've heard. This week, the boys talk about survival and evolution. God help us all. And Karl treats us to a whopping 3 poems! The boys talk about what a story is, and Karl has a go at an octopus again.

Transcript

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0:00.0

Hello, welcome to number three in the third series of the Ricky Javee Show.

0:14.0

With me, Ricky Javase, Stephen Merchant.

0:16.1

Hello there. And of course, Carl Pilkington.

0:18.7

All right.

0:19.7

Had a good week, Carl?

0:22.6

Uh, all right, just boring. It. All right. Had a good week, Carl? All right, just boring.

0:24.8

It's a boring week.

0:26.8

Because that sort of kidney operation I've had.

0:31.0

It's just affecting my life in a big way.

0:33.4

How are you now, Carl?

0:34.4

Are you feeling better?

0:35.9

Better than what was last week. Because last week you really were not putting the effort in, were you? And it's your own fault, you now, Carl? Are you feeling better? Better than what was last week. Because last week

0:38.5

you really were not putting the effort in, were you? And it's your own fault, you know, you've got kidney cells, you don't drink enough water. Yeah, no, that's what I've been doing this week. Just drinking, that's, I mean, you said what sort of a week have you? What have you been up to? That's what I've done. I've drank water. That's all I've been doing.

0:36.1

This is a water shortage in London.

0:38.5

It's because of that.

0:40.7

Honestly, just that's what you have to do. It's sort of, it's just boring. It's like a basking shark. It's sort of, with its mouth open, just going through the water. I'm sick of it. Oh, he's led the life of plankton for one week.

1:12.0

Have you been able to do anything or have you just been resting?

1:14.7

It's best to rest.

1:17.6

Just because, you know, your body's still in shock, even though in the head, physically, I thought it was all right.

1:24.5

The body sort of just acts in weird ways.

1:27.3

Brilliant. You know, it's a weird thing, it. Like I said last week, you don't think about your body until there's something up with it. And then you panic a bit. And you go, right, I'm going to look after it from now on. I've been given a second chance here. As I said before, this was not a life-threatening illness or operation. No, but it's that same thing. The last time I had it was when I nearly choked to death on the Mr. Freeze Pop, where I had that sort of, what do they call it when you have like a second coming? Do you know what I mean? It's that sort of thing where you go. I don't think you're the second coming. No, but that thing of... If you are, we're all screwed. You mean the second chance?

2:01.9

Yeah, it's a second chance, no way. Your life flashes before you, then it? Yeah, but you get, uh, you suddenly feel kinder. Do you know what I mean? Really? Yeah, you sort of go, right, you know, that was a bit of a warning. Like Scrooge? Good to people and stuff. Yeah, a little bit. I think it's normal.

...

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