We are Ken Jennings and John Roderick. We speak to you from our present, which we can only assume is your distant past, the turbulent time that was the early 21st century.

Fearing the great cataclysm that will surely befall our civilization, we began

this monumental reference of strange and obscure human knowledge. These recordings

represent our attempt to compile and preserve wonders and esoterica that would otherwise be lost.

So whether you're listening from an advanced civilization or have just reinvented the technology to decrypt our transmissions,

this is our legacy to you.

This is our time capsule.

This is the omnibus. Oh, You have accessed entry 1080.

N.O300302.

Certificate number 26834.

Roller Derby.

Bonnie Thunder's now at the pivot line,

pushing Rose City's defense into turn one.

We've got whistles.

Lauren much knocked to the outside of turn one multiplayer block going to go against

Tarantula.

Now John you've got a spitfire of a little girl who's both glam but also tough as nails.

Right.

Have you ever taken the family out to roller derby?

Yes.

Tell me your role, did you see the local team?

Tell me your roller derby resume.

...