But when we say to someone, I'm surprised that you're into me, it's another way of saying to someone,

you're the one getting shortchanged in this situation, because I'm of lower value and you're of higher value. I wanted to talk about three mistakes we make in early stage dating that really hurt our chances of things going anywhere.

When we like someone, we all want to get them hooked, don't we? We all want to make sure that it actually has the best possible chance of going somewhere.

Well, there are three things we do that jeopardize that.

And I want to start by just making a distinction, a distinction between love and desire.

Connection and attraction.

Love isn't the same as desire.

What gets someone to have feelings of love for us

is not the same as what makes someone want to take us home,

what makes someone turned on by us.

And if we want to keep someone's attention in dating,

desire is absolutely essential.

The three things that I'm going to talk about today, the mistakes we make, are not necessarily things that will hurt love, but they will have the potential to hurt desire.

And if we hurt desire, we run the risk of losing someone's energy.

And when we feel like, oh, it fizzled out with someone,

oh, why did they lose steam? It's not because of a lack of

love, it's because of a lack of desire. And by the way, what gets people to the point of love?

Enough desire in the early stages to carry them through to a place of real deep connection and investment.

Mistake number one, showing that we are surprised someone is into us.

If we say or do things that communicate to someone,

I just don't know why someone like you

would like someone like me.

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