Connection at any cost, chemistry at any cost, closeness at any cost, that to me is when

codependency becomes very very dark and dangerous.

What's up guys, this is Matthew. Welcome back to the Love Life podcast. Fun short clip for you right now on co-dependence.

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Enjoy the episode.

We develop these, whatever we want to call them, dependencies, reliance, on each other and that's organic. That's actually natural.

I rely on my team and my company to be able to do all of the things that I do and I do depend on them.

The same is true in a relationship, we agree with different roles and responsibilities and things we need from each other and expectations and we depend on each other to uphold those agreements.

We do come to depend on each other for a certain kind of connection.

By definition, if we're in a monogamous relationship, we're not giving to anyone else and not getting from anyone else.

By the very nature of the fact that I always think that that's the funny thing about romantic relationships.

It's easy not to be as needy with our friends because if my friend isn't giving me attention, I just go and get it from a different friend.

We're in a monogamous relationship and we're faithful. We don't have that option. If you look at that, that puts us in a position of dependence if we're choosing to stay in that relationship, I do depend on you for sexual connection.

I do depend on you for that romantic and emotional connection. Hopefully it's not my only emotional connection. That's a problem. There are so many that are limited to our relationship that are between us and that creates kind of high stakes.

I think that phrase is really interesting, piece at any price because that to me refers to the dark side of dependency.

There's nothing wrong with two people being incredibly close. But when that closeness is becoming, what do I want to say?

There's so much toxicity in the relationship that people are afraid to let go of because they will try to achieve that closeness at any cost. You could say, piece at any cost, you could also say connection at any cost, chemistry at any cost, closeness at any cost.

That to me is when codependency becomes very, very dark and dangerous. It takes two people. You can't have, I often think of codependency as my sickness enabling your sickness.

If you have a really destructive pattern, then if for example you're the kind of person that is incredibly selfish and just does whatever you want to do, doesn't consult other people, doesn't involve them in the decision making process, you always do what you want to do and tend to steamroll the person that you're with in the process.

Well, that kind of person isn't going to survive with someone who has a lot of self-respect and clear boundaries and who upholds their own needs. They're not going to survive with that person. It's not going to last.

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