(Rewind): Get Too Obsessed When You Like Someone? Listen To This...
Love Life with Matthew Hussey
Matthew Hussey
4.8 • 2.9K Ratings
🗓️ 8 July 2022
⏱️ 8 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
We’ve all done it. We start to like someone and suddenly we’ve built a whole narrative around what our future could look like with them. They feel like a rare antidote we’ve stumbled across that will take us out of being single and into the relationship we so badly want.
The issue is, in the process of doing this, we rob ourselves of the ability to enjoy the experience—too stuck in our heads to be in the moment.
We also run the risk of self-sabotaging as we try to see danger where there isn’t any.
In this clip, I share an easy and grounding phrase you can use RIGHT NOW to calm yourself down if you find yourself in this situation.
P.S. What’s been your experience when you’ve found yourself in this situation? I’d love to hear your story - email at [email protected]
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Transcript
Click on a timestamp to play from that location
| 0:00.0 | What if I screw it up with this amazing person? |
| 0:04.4 | What if I sabotage this relationship that has so much potential? |
| 0:09.9 | Welcome to the Love Live podcast. It's me, Matthew Hussie. Enjoy this classic clip from our archives. |
| 0:35.7 | And if you want to let me know what you think or how this podcast is helping you, don't forget to |
| 0:39.7 | leave me a review on iTunes under the Love Live podcast. Enjoy. |
| 0:47.5 | I wanted to make a video about the early stages of dating when we've been on a great date with |
| 0:53.2 | someone, maybe a couple of great dates, and we've decided that we like them. This is a moment in |
| 0:59.6 | the dating process where obsession can very quickly occur. We get anxious, we start worrying about |
| 1:07.9 | the situation, we cannot get this person out of our mind. And then we run into the trap of self-sabotaging |
| 1:14.7 | because we're already spending way too much time talking about something that doesn't even know |
| 1:21.1 | what it is yet. Why does this happen? And what can we do about it? Because of course, we're all |
| 1:26.9 | terrified that not only is my anxiety making me miserable, it's the very thing that's going to |
| 1:32.7 | sabotage the thing that I want to happen. Well, let's first examine one of the major reasons why |
| 1:39.6 | we obsess over someone that we've just met. Projection. We go on a date, we have a great time, |
| 1:47.7 | we see some things we like. And our brain takes the 5% of what we know about this person, |
| 1:54.8 | and how could we know more than that? We've only really just spent a small amount of time with them |
| 2:00.9 | and uses it to extrapolate the other 95% of them. In other words, we fill in the gaps and do we |
| 2:09.9 | fill them in in a measured way? No, we take whatever the best qualities about them and we extrapolate |
| 2:17.6 | that into all of the wonderful things they must be in every other area of their life. We do the same |
| 2:24.4 | by the way with the attention someone gives us. Someone gives us a bit of attention and we immediately |
| 2:29.7 | start extrapolating the amount of attention that we think they're going to give us a week from now |
| 2:34.9 | or a month from now that will lead to a relationship. What happens as a result of projection is we now |
... |
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