So to jump to the end goal, what a useful practice looks like during and after a situation where we are activated

is three with a roommate, a loved one, a family member, somebody who worked with and they are doing something that makes you feel unappreciated or seems uncaring.

For example, you work very hard on a project

all weekend long, you come into work

and instead of giving you any acknowledgement,

somebody simply jumps into criticizing your work or a roommate who doesn't

participate in some chores, accuses you of not doing the chores that they want to be done.

Parents or a loved one gives all kinds of unwanted and vaguely hostile suggestions.

Fill in the blank. I'm sure you know what difficult interpersonal experiences

looks like and what it feels like to be activated

so the first step is to disengage.

Disengage means whether we're the type to immediately through hyper-vigilance or through rage or through aggression

immediately jump in and react to any perceived slight to pull away to get to a safe place or conversely if we are of the type to shut down

to feel ourselves becoming less and less in power to speak, to interact, to protect ourselves, to state our needs to

to to go away from the trigger and to

then when we find a safe place first use some of the common techniques that I introduced in tonight's meditation or other common techniques you know of.

Some people might, in addition to the 4-8 breath,

where we make the out-breath really long

or the abdominal breath, we might visualize a safe place or visualize somebody that makes us feel really safe and protected.

You might repeat the meta phrases, may I feel happy, may I feel safe. Any of those practices to begin to deactivate. And it's

important to know, to develop some internal awareness of, you know, when you are feeling

activated, there'll be some telltale sons if we are the kind that feel prone to

...