Requiem for a Matt

TRASHFUTURE

Comedy

4.7 • 935 Ratings

🗓️ 17 June 2019

⏱️ 74 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

We’re posting through tears on this one. Our precious boy -- our sweet, beautiful lad himself -- is no longer a candidate for the Tory leadership contest. That’s right, Matt Hancock has stepped down after only four days. It was a truly heart-rending experience for Riley (@raaleh), Milo (@Milo_Edwards), Nate (@inthesedeserts), and Alice (@AliceAvizandum ). How can we live in a future where the human labrador retriever Matt Hancock isn’t making us appreciate the power of business? How can we live without a PM who does parkour? This isn’t fair. If you like this show, sign up to the Patreon and get a second free episode each week! You’ll also get access to our Discord server, where good opinions abound. https://www.patreon.com/trashfuture *WATCH THIS SPACE* We’ll be performing at the Birmingham Transformed festival on 8th August. Details to come in the next few weeks. If you’re in the West Midlands, come down to Brum for a night of delightful soup jokes. *LIVE SHOW ALERT* Come see Trashfuture live at the Edinburgh Fringe! We’ll perform on August 10th at 21.30. The venue is Venue 277, PQA Venues @Riddle's Court, Edinburgh EH1 2PG. Tickets are £11.50 and there are a ton of discounts available. Get them here: https://tickets.edfringe.com/whats-on/trashfuture-live-at-the-fringe If you want to buy one of our recent special-edition phone-cops shirt, shoot us an email at trashfuturepodcast[at]gmail[dot]com and we can post it to you. (£20 for non-patrons, £15 for patrons) Do you want a mug to hold your soup? Perhaps you want one with the Trashfuture logo, which is available here: https://teespring.com/what-if-phone-cops#pid=659&cid=102968&sid=front

Transcript

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0:00.0	I'm Matt Hancock, and I'm running to be your next Prime Minister.
0:15.0	For the last few years, we've been distracted and divided.
0:18.4	We need a fresh start.
0:24.6	The world is changing. Well, we can master those changes for our benefit. I believe in free enterprise and a free society. I believe in strong families and strong families that come in all shapes and
0:32.6	and that business is a force for good in the world, from the smallest market trader to the biggest multinational.
0:39.3	I believe that the world is getting better thanks to the power of human ingenuity.
0:44.3	But more than anything, I believe people.
0:49.3	I believe that each and every person is a contribution to make to society.
0:53.3	And the role of government is to give each and every one of us the chance to make something of our lives.
1:00.0	So if I become planning a step, this is what I'll do.
1:04.0	I'll deliver Brexit with a plan that brings people together so we can move our country.
1:10.0	I'll win the case for capitalism with the focus on putting pounds in pockets,
1:14.6	tackling low pay, and seeing living standards and money.
1:17.6	I'll harness modern technology, like in the NHS, where it's saving lives, every single day.
1:24.6	I'll secure our nation's future by investing in a long-term plan for education.
1:34.3	Let's restore this nation's confidence.
1:36.3	With the patriotic unionism that brings people together.
1:40.3	A politics that you know not demise.
1:42.3	I know we can win the future.
1:44.9	So let's move forward together.
1:51.8	Let's jump forward to exactly four days later.
1:56.1	I'm incredibly grateful for all the support that I've received throughout this campaign,
	...

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