Welcome back to the Look and Sound of Leadership, an ongoing series of

executive coaching tips designed to help you be perceived in the workplace the way you want to be perceived.

I'm Tom Henschel, your executive coach, and today we're talking about repairing damaged relationships.

For the third session in a row I was hearing all about Stephanie.

Carl, whom I'd been coaching for several months, just couldn't contain himself about her.

The reason she didn't forward that email to me, he said, was so I would go into the

staff meeting looking like an idiot.

Whoa, I said, holding up my hand like a traffic cop.

You don't know that.

That's a story that you've completely made up.

Oh, you don't know her, he shot back.

She's always playing one up.

Not just with me. She even pulled one of those stunts with Mike Mike is the division head

He called her on it in front of everyone and she tried to explain it away. She wouldn't even own it

Carl was absolutely convinced he was right. Stephanie was a villain. Not only were her actions

evil, her intentions were evil, and poor Carl was her hapless victim.

Well, that was Carl's story at any rate.

The truth is, feeling victimized is powerful.

Self-righteousness is exhilarating.

When we feel we've been wronged, we search out sympathetic ears that will cement us in our

rightness, and oh my goodness it feels

good and it's all self-deception.

...