Welcome to Effortless English.

Today's podcast is another one about relationships,

and it's related to the podcast I did before about emotional flooding.

Here it is. When I read Dr. Gottman's ideas about

emotional flooding I immediately thought of my best friend Kristen. Kristen and I

have known each other for over 12 years.

In fact, we dated for many years.

Have you seen the TV show Seinfeld?

You know the characters Jerry and Elaine?

Well, that's Kristen and I. She and I had a very volatile relationship probably

because we are so alike. We both love change and the excitement of new experiences.

We both love travel and we can both be restless and moody. As a result, we argued all the time.

Thinking back, I realized that I frequently became emotionally flooded during these arguments.

In truth, I hate to argue.

I quickly become stressed and once I'm overwhelmed, I stonewall.

Kristen does the same. And so Kristen and I got locked into a very negative

pattern. We'd argue. The argument would become more and more heated, pulses rising, then she or I, or both of us,

would become overwhelmed. Typically, one of us would walk out of the room or shut down and refuse to talk more. I found this to be very stressful. Eventually

we broke up, but we have remained best friends. In fact, we have a much better relationship as friends.

It's easier for us to take a break and calm down when one of us gets upset.

Since we are so alike, we understand and support each other.

In many countries, it is considered strange to remain friends with an ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend.

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