Tonight's talk is on self-consciousness.

In life we start out the process of regulating our behavior, gaining self-control. The first way we do it is by the connection that a child or an infant

makes with the mother visually, it's a largely exchange of glances, recognition of movement gestures.

It's not based on language because for the first two and a half years largely

the regulation and the connection and attachment that's established between an infant and his parents

happens largely outside of language.

There comes a time though around two and a half years where the infant begins to use more and more words,

more and more language, and the parent, the caretaker, starts to regulate the child's behavior largely through instructions.

In essence, don't run at all, don't eat the cookies yet, don't run into the middle of the street, etc.

Another process that comes into play is also mimicry. As we grow older, we develop the ability to observe other people

mimic their behaviors and copy them. And that's another important tool that we use to develop behaviors.

But probably for human beings, the most dominant form of self-regulation we use is the constant stream of language playing out in our minds, narrating our lives. And when that stream of words about ourselves becomes largely engaged in worrying about how others will perceive us,

how we compare with others, speculation about what's going to happen to me in the future.

The Buddha called that Pappancha and it means proliferation, but we call it now self-consciousness.

I'd like to draw a distinction between being self-conscious and being self-aware.

Self-conscious for this discussion means the capability of the human mind to be concerned about what other people think about us,

how we compare with everyone else in the world, whether we're good at what we do,

how we stand up. So it's in essence a very socially concerned kind of

consciousness. Self-awareness is simply awareness of at any given moment if how the breath is, how the body is, how if our minds are jumpy or not.

And so self-awareness doesn't really concern itself

with how other people perceive us.

It's simply an awareness of what's going on internally.

...