Hi. You're listening to Small Things Often from the Gottman Institute, where we talk you through

research-based tips to help improve your relationships in five minutes or less. Today's tip is about

grieving your old routines. Uh, remember the good old days? Just a few short months ago,

COVID-19 has certainly turned our world upside down.

Where once you were spending much of your day out in the world as an individual, now you are

part of a 24-7 couple. And wasn't it sort of comforting at first? Working in your sweats at home,

always having your partner right there in the next room if you had a question, something funny

to share, or just needed to chat.

But if you're like most couples, after a while, the novelty began to wear off.

And all that togetherness suddenly became overwhelming.

And you realize that 24-7 was not only putting a strain on your relationship,

but that you began to lose your individuality as well,

missing your old routines and your former self. But here's the thing. There doesn't need to be a

pandemic to feel these feelings or have these issues. Couples in long-term committed relationships

face similar challenges. So how do you navigate your desires for individuality versus togetherness?

How do you deal with longings of security and family while also yearning for individuality?

Well, grab a pencil and jot this down, because we're going to give you some strategies to help

you do just that. Our first suggestion, talk to your partner and set specific boundaries around time spent with one another.

If you're both working at home, you may prefer to be alone all day during working hours,

while your partner likes to check in every hour or so. So discuss what you each need, and then create

compromises, perhaps take a break together during the day and share a list of items

you want to talk about. Also, have a stress-reducing conversation. Give your partner 15 minutes to

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