Hi, you're listening to Small Things Often from the Gottman Institute, where we talk you through research-based tips to help improve your relationships in five minutes or less.

Today's tip is about finding joy. So congratulations. You and your partner have both been working hard on your relationship. You've managed most conflicts that

have come up, expressed empathy when needed, and dealt with difficult emotions. You've realized

the best relationships require you to be intentional, mindful, thoughtful, and respectful. But here's

another important ingredient every good relationship needs. Joy,

how's that going? Think about it. When was the last time you and your partner had fun with each other?

Were playful, silly, lovingly teased each other, or laughed so hard you could hardly breathe.

If you've had one of these moments lately,

you know that having fun together is a wonderful way to connect and give a bit of relief from

life's more serious issues, especially these days. But if you're finding that these moments don't

come easily or often, it's time to consciously create some yourself. How? Start by thinking with a child's mind.

Find excitement and fun in everyday moments. Is it a beautiful evening? Get a blanket. Go in the backyard,

lie on your backs, and gaze at the stars. Or on a hot afternoon, spray each other with a garden

hose until you're both soaking wet. Or have a two-, spray each other with a garden hose until you're both

soaking wet. Or have a two-person dance party in your living room. Or maybe have breakfast in bed.

And then stay there for the rest of the day, watching movies or just enjoying each other's

company. And while you're at it, create some activities outside of the house to enjoy together

too.

Maybe go on a long, meandering road trip on small country roads, have lunch at a local cafe,

and strike up conversations with total strangers, or take turns surprising each other with special date nights,

leaving clues during the week to create some excitement and suspense, or maybe even learn something new

from YouTube. Cooking, pottery, sign language, use your imagination. The possibilities are endless.

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