Recognizing Each Other's Triggers & De-escalating Conflicts Faster: Episode 379
EmPowered Couples with The Freemans
Aaron & Jocelyn Freeman
5.0 • 589 Ratings
🗓️ 28 January 2025
⏱️ 41 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
You are likely aware that conflicts are going to happen, they shouldn't be avoided, but accepted that they will happen. But how you handle the conflict determines whether it can be connecting and clarifying or it escalates and causes hurt. What really causes it to escalate is when you each are triggered and you let that trigger cause you to just react.
In this episode today you will hear how you can better recognize emotional triggers, which has to be the first step, and then how you can de-escalate before a bigger conflict arises. A key takeaway is that you need to recognize your own triggered events and reaction patterns, but as a partner, how to recognize these in your partner as well.
You will then hear the 2 responsibilities you each have, followed by practical steps to de-escalate as you practice these things. This is the true work to be done in marriage, your marital satisfaction depends on your ability to recognize triggers and keep yourself from reacting in more hurtful ways.
Relationship Resources:
DO NOT MISS the once per year LIVE Marriage Webclass with The Freemans. The date is set for Feb 19th, 2025. This will be a virtual, 1 hour weblcass to communicate more effectively, de-escalate conflicts, and repair from conflicts fully. The class is FREE, but will be limited to 1000 attendees live. There will be a recoding as well, but you will need to register to have it sent to you. We will see you there! Register here: https://onlinecouplesworkshops.com/
After the date passes, you will be able to find the recording and all the other guides and challenges with this link: https://www.meetthefreemans.com/links
Follow us on Instagram @meet_thefreemans
Transcript
Click on a timestamp to play from that location
| 0:00.0 | Hello and welcome to the Empowered Couples podcast. We're here. You get modern, non-boring |
| 0:06.2 | relationship advice for you and your partner to communicate like pros, fight smarter, and stay |
| 0:11.7 | on the same team no matter the challenge that you face. I am one of your hosts, Jocelyn Freeman, |
| 0:17.1 | is actually going to be just me without my husband, Aaron. I actually requested to do |
| 0:23.6 | it this way because this is a topic I'm deeply passionate about. I know that might sound odd because |
| 0:29.6 | we're talking about triggers, right? The topic is recognizing each other's triggers and de-escalating |
| 0:36.0 | conflicts faster. And I'll share with you why this is such |
| 0:40.0 | an important topic to me personally. But first, I want to outline why this topic is so relevant. |
| 0:48.0 | Because when we fall in love, when we choose to build a life with someone and for a lot of us that is taking the step of |
| 0:56.6 | getting married, we might not be thinking, hey, we're going to trigger each other. This person that I |
| 1:03.7 | love most in the world want to build a life with, have built a life with, maybe even had children |
| 1:09.9 | with, is going to trigger me and I am |
| 1:13.6 | going to trigger them. And we're going to have to deal with conflict. Like I think about this |
| 1:18.0 | sometimes and laugh of if we went on some of our first dates with each other and if we asked each other, |
| 1:23.0 | hey, tell me about your biggest triggers. like what can really get to you. |
| 1:28.2 | But that might actually be helpful to find out. |
| 1:31.6 | And because many of us aren't talking about that as part of a relationship, |
| 1:37.9 | then we're going to discover it at some point. |
| 1:41.8 | And for a lot of us who were not shown healthy conflict, we can think something's |
| 1:49.6 | wrong here. We can think this shouldn't be happening. You know what? If we were right for each other, |
| 1:55.4 | or we really were the perfect match, or they really loved me, they wouldn't trigger me. And that's just not the case. |
| 2:05.1 | That's what I want to share with you first before I even get into these how-toes that I'm going to |
... |
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