Hello everyone, it's me again, little Omi. Welcome to the bitch Bible. I am sitting here

in the fetal position. So last week I had the stomach flu and I don't discuss this often,

or at least in my head, I don't talk about it that often. I have a raging, raging phobia

of throw up. Like I think it is the most disgusting thing, I would rather shit myself on a daily

basis than ever throw up for the entirety of my life. So the stomach flu was a doozy on top of

everything else and you had it the same time as me. So for like 36 hours, hours we were just

bunker down together, bodily fluids all over the place, disgusting. I just weighed myself to see if

I had reached even close to my goal weight of 93 pounds. That's a joke, everyone relax, okay. I don't

want to be amaciated. I would like to be amaciated. I don't have that kind of willpower. I would love to

walk down the street and have people look at me and be like, oh she needs a pizza. That's never going

to happen. Everything jiggles. It's fine. I gained five fucking pounds. Can somebody please explain to

me how I'm the only person in the history of the universe to gain weight after a stomach flu?

Tell me please please please explain this to me. Granted, I've been so paranoid that all I've been

eating is salting crackers, noodles, like potatoes and ginger ale, not low-calge ginger ale, not

trying to get aspartane cancer. But I still thought that I would lose weight just from not drinking alcohol

and I don't know. What's the Parisian girl diet? They're also fucking skinny and all they eat is

bread. Not me. Five pounds up. Super pissed. So I'm in pretty bad spirits and then, okay, this is

even worse. Everyone knows that I'm not a huge fan of charity. I think charity starts at home.

I consider myself a charitable person just emotionally and mentally. I don't know that I, you know,

and physically, I'm a good time gal. I think I give the gift of laughter on a weekly basis free of

charge, which I mean if that's not philanthropic, I don't know what is. I don't hide behind a check.

I don't have to validate it with money because I'm a giver, guys. But when saw the founder, the

...