Welcome to R. slash True Off My Chest, where OP's affair completely ruins his life.

Our next Reddit post is from deleted. I'm a 45 year old man and I cheated on my wife who's 41.

It changed her fundamentally.

She's always been this bubbly and cheerful woman

with her beautiful smile never leaving her face.

She makes everything better and has the ability to make people happy around her wherever she goes.

Now, she's distant, silent, and I haven't seen her smile since it happened a year ago.

When we got back together after a small break,

she told me that she was fully aware about our declining love life

and her role in that.

She said that she didn't know if or when she could ever sleep with me again.

She said that she couldn't handle the pressure of needing to heal fast, to not lose me again, for me to not cheat again.

So she said that I could still sleep with the other woman.

She just doesn't want to know when and not in our home.

I hate myself for what she's become, like a broken bird.

When I talk to her about divorce, her tears just start pouring and she asks if I don't love her anymore,

but I do.

More than anything, but I want to set her free, but her tears, I can't.

The only thing she hasn't changed is her kiss in the morning.

She wakes up very early and before leaving she kisses me goodbye and whispers,

I love you, I pretend that I'm sleeping.

When I hear the door lock, I break down crying.

...