My terminology was just not straight. I was like, I don't...

I was like, dang, I guess I'm not straight. But bisexuality and the bit that I had heard about it sounded transitional.

So my mind immediately went to football, of course, because that was what was paying for my education also.

What was going to help lift us up out of poverty.

I was like, well, football is a little more important. It's also a shorter span of my life.

If this is a true transition, I just need to stop it. I just need to stop it where it is.

And back pedal. I'm just going to just go back to being straight.

And everything will be fine. So really, that was kind of my mindset. I think that's also having a relationship

where I felt cared for and where I felt attraction and where I also had a lot of emotion with the woman helped.

I was like, see, I'm already halfway here. I'm just, I'm already good. I just need to stop doing all this others commit over here.

And of everything will be fine. So I didn't even really dissect my life like that because I was just like, it's happening, but I can stop it.

I think it also created that turbulent, hot and coldness in all of my relationships and all my friendships.

Because I was battling with something I also wasn't sharing to a lot of people.

So in a situation where I was with my girlfriend and I was happy and we just won a football game, I should have been happy.

But internally, I'm thinking about, well, I still have this attraction or someone find out, well, I lose this football career or this relationship.

Because of this part of myself that even at my best and hardest doesn't seem to be just going away like I thought it would.

And then I kind of reverberate that energy back into my surroundings. People are like, whoa, what's wrong? Like you should be happy.

And I continue that way for a long time actually just kind of trying to continue to compartmentalize.

But as my life experiences got larger, the boxes that I was trying to put them in weren't growing. And they were overfilling and kind of making life a bit of a mess.

But the process for me, I mean, it was, I look back at it and I'm like, how did that person survive?

How was that person really able to make it to the NFL, able to pass college?

It was a half relationships because they just seemed like they were in such an overwhelming place.

...