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rSlash

r/Askreddit I Stole $3,000,000 from My Family

rSlash

rSlash Reads Reddit

Comedy

4.910.9K Ratings

🗓️ 16 February 2026

⏱️ 18 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

0:00 Intro 0:09 Biohazard 1:17 Impala 2:56 Money 4:58 Passed away 6:21 Cash 7:14 Ring 7:58 Garage sale 8:40 Abuse 10:28 Psychotic break 11:57 Surprise pregnancy 13:32 Class trip 15:24 Bird 16:15 Mercury Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

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0:23.0

Shopify is made for entrepreneurs like you.

0:27.4

Sign up for your $1 a month trial at Shopify.com slash setup.

0:31.7

Welcome to R slash Ask Reddit where people answer the question,

0:35.7

what's a secret you're taking to your grave, but can share here anonymously.

0:37.8

Our first reply is from Hello Euphoria.

0:42.3

I filed a child protective services case against my own lifelong friend.

0:47.5

I went to visit her house after she had kids, and it was a literal biohazard.

0:51.9

Animal waste caked into the carpet that was so old, it was white.

0:56.6

You could smell ammonia from cat pee before you even entered the house.

1:03.9

Two of her girls had awful coughing fits from the poor air quality. Mold, blood, dirt, waste,

1:09.6

everywhere. I secretly took photos while I was there and the next day filed a report. My friend called me sobbing that they took

1:12.4

her kids from her until she proved she could clean and keep up with the house. I pretended that

1:17.4

it wasn't me. She did get the house fixed and got her kids back. Those kids didn't deserve to live

1:22.7

in such awful conditions and I feel no guilt for what I did. But I will never tell her that it was me who

1:29.7

made that report. I'd like to add, I did help her fix up her house so she could get her kids back.

1:35.2

I love the woman dearly. She just needed some serious, mental, and physical help.

1:40.6

Opie, I wouldn't feel guilty either. You definitely did the right thing there. Our next reply is from

1:45.4

the Acme Anvil. During the summer of 1964, when I was 12 years old and walking through the library

1:51.8

parking lot, I noticed someone left the key in a 1961 Chevy Impala. So I borrowed it for a 10 to 15

1:59.7

minute ride through town.

2:01.3

I returned it to the parking lot, but not the same parking spots.

...

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