Quinlan Walther: Stop Chasing Love Just Because You’re Lonely! (Do THIS to Attract the RIGHT Relationship)
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
iHeartPodcasts
4.8 • 28.5K Ratings
🗓️ 20 October 2025
⏱️ 90 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Have you ever stayed in a relationship just to avoid being alone?
Did staying make you feel better or worse over time?
Today, Jay sits down with writer and relationship coach Quinlan Walther to explore what it truly means to build healthy, lasting relationships. Quinlan, known for her viral reflections on love and self-trust, explains the difference between wanting a relationship and being ready for one. She compares it to grocery shopping when you’re hungry, a reminder that desperation often drives us to make poor emotional choices. Together, they explore how self-awareness, emotional safety, and self-trust form the foundation for a genuine connection. Quinlan introduces her “Four C’s of Self-Trust”: curiosity, capacity, compassion, and commitment, a framework for strengthening one’s relationship with the self before seeking partnership.
Jay and Quinlan confront the hard truths about modern love, how expectations, attachment wounds, and emotional burnout often distort our perception of what love should feel like. They explore the difference between chemistry and compatibility, reminding listeners that while excitement can spark a connection, it’s shared values and emotional maturity that sustain it. Quinlan emphasizes that relationships are not meant to fill our emptiness but to reflect our growth. Through stories and practical wisdom, she explains how the healthiest relationships allow space for vulnerability, accountability, and change, rather than perfection. Jay reflects on his own marriage, highlighting how communication, patience, and self-reflection create emotional safety and deepen love over time.
In his interview, you'll learn:
How to Know If You’re Ready for Love
How to Build Self-Trust Before Dating
How to Create Emotional Safety in Relationships
How to Tell Chemistry from Compatibility
How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt
How to Heal After a Breakup
How to Stop Repeating Unhealthy Patterns
How to Grow Together Without Losing Yourself
Real connection isn’t about finding someone to fix or complete us, it’s about growing into the version of ourselves that can give and receive love freely. Every heartbreak, disappointment, and moment of self-reflection brings us closer to understanding that love begins within.
With Love and Gratitude,
Jay Shetty
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What We Discuss:
00:00 Intro
01:24 Wanting vs. Being Ready for Love
04:07 The Four C’s of Self-Trust
06:41 Relationships Should Help You Grow
10:32 Building Stability and Emotional Safety
13:27 When Requests Become Unreasonable
15:15 Love Within Someone’s Capacity
17:57 Are You Exhausted From Dating?
22:05 Does the Spark Really Matter?
23:28 When Attraction Misleads You
25:16 Compatibility vs. Chemistry
27:52 How Black-and-White Thinking Hurts Love
31:10 Is Love Alone Ever Enough?
32:43 What True Commitment Looks Like
36:39 Learning to Show Up for Yourself
39:35 Healing Family Wounds and Finding Peace
42:19 Breaking the Criticism–Withdrawal Cycle
49:31 Your Partner Reflects How You Love Yourself
51:14 Dating is Discernment, Marriage is Devotion
55:16 Real Change Takes Time
58:10 Why Every Relationship Needs Boundaries
59:47 How to Set Healthy Boundaries
01:01:21 Stop Compromising Your Own Boundaries
01:02:42 Are Soulmates Real?
01:05:01 What Should Love Feel Like?
01:08:59 Do You Want a Partner or a Spouse?
01:13:11 How to Move On After a Breakup
01:16:47 You Are Not Hard to Love
01:19:32 The Lessons Hidden in a Heartbreak
01:21:40 Quinlan on Final Five
Episode Resources:
Quinlan Walther | Website
Quinlan Walther | Instagram
Quinlan Walther | TikTok
Quinlan Walther | YouTube
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | This is an I-Heart podcast. |
| 0:04.6 | I'm Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman, host of the psychology podcast. |
| 0:08.7 | Here's a clip from an upcoming conversation about how to be a better you. |
| 0:12.6 | When you think about emotion regulation, you're not going to choose an adaptive strategy |
| 0:17.2 | which is more effortful to use unless you think there's a good outcome. |
| 0:21.5 | Avoidance is easier. Ignoring is easier. Denials easier. Complex problem solving. |
| 0:27.1 | Takes effort. Listen to the psychology podcast on the Iheart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever |
| 0:32.9 | you get your podcasts. We only obsess over people who aren't fully available to us. The obsession can be |
| 0:39.6 | mistaken for a spark, where there's something we're projecting onto someone that is so full on, |
| 0:45.0 | it feels like an obsession. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. I'm your host Jay Shetty, |
| 0:50.7 | and I'm so excited to introduce you to someone that I'm a huge fan of. I've been |
| 0:56.3 | following her for a couple of years now, loving all of her content, engage with it regularly and |
| 1:01.1 | consistently. And then when I was on tour this year, I actually had the opportunity to meet her. |
| 1:05.5 | And now we finally have her in the on-purpose studio. I'm speaking about Quinlan Waltha, a writer and relationship |
| 1:12.6 | coach transforming the way millions of people think about love. Quinlan's viral videos on dating, |
| 1:19.4 | self-trust and connection have reached millions of people worldwide. If you don't follow her |
| 1:24.6 | already, make sure you do after this conversation. |
| 1:33.3 | Quinlan is helping people break unhealthy patterns, build deeper connections, and create relationships that feel safe, intentional, and fulfilling. |
| 1:37.6 | Please welcome to On Purpose, Quinlan, Waltha, or Q. |
| 1:41.2 | Q, I'm so glad to have you here. |
| 1:42.9 | Jay, it's so good to see you. |
| 1:44.1 | Thank you for having me. Of course. I am so excited to dive in. I have so many things to talk to you about. I know our audience is going to absolutely love this conversation because they're constantly trying to figure out love and relationships and dating. I feel like that's, aren't we all? Exactly. I feel like it's the need of the hour, which is such a beautiful thing as well. And the first question I wanted to ask you is, what's the difference between wanting a relationship and being ready for a relationship? |
... |
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