Questions I Can’t Ask My Father

Modern Love

The New York Times

Nytimes, Society & Culture, New York Times, Essay, Storytelling, Love, Nyt, Loss, Redemption

4.3 • 9K Ratings

🗓️ 22 February 2023

⏱️ 19 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In her early 20s, Annabelle Allen longed to know what her dad had been like when he was her age. How did he spend his Saturdays? What were his vices? But Anabelle’s dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease at age 62, and ever since, memories of his past had started slipping away. Recently, Anabelle was cleaning up her parents’ storage bin when she made an incredible discovery: more than a dozen of her dad’s old journals. They were a gift that gave her a window into her father’s past — and strengthened their connection in the present. After Annabelle’s essay, she shares an update on her father and reflects on the ways they have both been caring for one another.

Transcript

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0:00.0	My grandma, Christine Liu, showed her love in a lot of ways.
0:06.3	She held my hand really tightly when we took walks around the neighborhood.
0:10.6	She cooked these elaborate Chinese meals, never let my plate go empty.
0:15.4	And towards the end of her life, she started sending me emails.
0:19.7	I loved these emails.
0:23.0	English was her second language, so I knew she worked really hard on them.
0:26.4	I like to picture her in front of her giant desktop computer, carefully typing out reminders
0:31.4	to study hard, to say thank you to my mom, and to find a boyfriend, preferably a nice Chinese
0:38.8	one.
0:39.8	About a year before she died, my grandma sent me an email that I immediately knew was different.
0:47.1	The subject line was, life story.
0:50.3	Dear Anna, I didn't tell you that in the past years I have been right some of my story
0:56.9	and something happening in my life.
0:59.6	I'm sending a copy of the writing to you to see if you can understand my English.
1:04.6	This is my first time writing in English, and many Chinese customs and thinking will be
1:09.0	difficult for you to comprehensively grasp the ideas.
1:13.3	Lots of love, grandma.
1:16.7	I could hear her voice as I read that email and I couldn't stop crying.
1:22.5	My grandma had attached a document and I started scrolling through pages and pages of her
1:26.7	memories.
1:28.9	Her first date with my grandpa on a summer day in Taiwan being imprisoned for her political
1:34.5	beliefs, moving to the US as a young mother, all these things I'd never heard before that
	...

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