What up ladies, this is Lisa Bilyu and welcome to Women of Impact.

But today it's going to be a little different and honestly it's actually really special to me and I'm so excited. The reason is I really have been reading your comments. I go in to YouTube and the podcast and I read what you guys put. And it's so important to me that we connect and we have a place that we feel seen, heard and communicate with each other. And so today I'm doing a special, and let me know if you like it, because if you do,

I'll do more of them, but I'm doing a Q&A, where you guys have asked me multiple questions, and I'm going to take them and just give you a very raw, unedited version of what I think and how I feel and how I see it based on everything that I know, what I've experienced and all the amazing experts that I've ever interviewed. guys if you do like this, smash the follow button, let me know that you want more and then

also go over to my Instagram and submit your questions. So today, what are we diving into? We're going to be talking about something that so many of us ladies have had, I should say, actually so many of us ladies have experienced. And that is when your friendships break up or your frenemies and you think they're friends and they actually betray you. All of those things where you just feel like you're not seen, you're not heard, you're not appreciated and also you either get disrespected or go sed by your home girl. And that's what I really want to talk about today because trust is everything to me. But mostly, how do you actually trust yourself? How do you stop abandoning yourself when it comes to friendships and girl groups just so that you can fit in and feel wanted? Well, that's what we're tackling today because a lot of your questions really honestly broke my heart because I know so many of you ladies including myself at some points in my life have felt alone, we felt confused, we felt guilty, or we felt stuck trying to actually figure out how to hold onto that person in our lives that actually we should have maybe have let go of a long time ago. So I'm just going to dive in now to the very first question and that is from Cindy Travis. Cindy Travis said, asked on my social, how do you know decades later the letting go French was actually the right choice right choice? Such a great question and I'm don't know if I'm going to give you a satisfactory answer but I'm going to be honest and no BS that's why you come here that's what this specific episode is about is me being very war and true to what I think. Now let me just repeat the question how do you know decades later that letting go of a friendship was actually the right choice? Here's the thing, you don't. You cannot predict the future. You have no idea what is going to happen. All you can do is sit by yourself right now and look out whether that friendship serves you or not. Not with that friendship serve you in a year or in two years or down the line when you get older. Does that friendship actually serve you now? And I would actually write columns, I would write the things that don't serve me and then this things that do serve me because it's very important to me at least to be able to take my emotions out of something and actually look at something for what it really is. And so right now you may be an emotional turmoil, maybe she did something that upset you, and so you don't want to, as they say, throw the baby out with the bath water. So in these situations, I would take inventory of all

the things that actually really do serve this friendship. Like, what do I gain out of this? And you've got to be selfish. I'm going to be honest. This isn't about what your friend wants. This isn't about what you think society should dictate what a friendship looks like. This is actually you deciding what serves you and what doesn't.

And once you've got that list, now you can just look at it nakedly in essence and say, do I want to continue with this friendship? Now people do change. You will change. She may change. And so you can't predict whether this is a friendship you're going to want in the future. That's why you need to do the work now. Okay, now there's going to be a second part to this that what if, let's say you've decided that actually no, it's not the right choice and you don't think that this friendship serves you anymore and you want out. Now let's play a scenario where a year later, two years later, there's something that's changed in you, you've evolved, you've changed. And now that list I just told you to do,

actually the things that were cloned

now actually maybe your pros. And you look back, hmm, maybe this was a friendship I should have kept onto. If you're in that situation, give yourself the grace, you can't predict the future. You don't have a crystal ball. So in that situation, what I would say is, I didn't know what was going to happen.

I didn't know who I was going to become.

And now this actual relationship I miss.

If that's actually true. So in that situation, what I would say is, I didn't know what was going to happen, I didn't know who I was going to become.

And now this actual relationship I miss. If that's actually true and she didn't back stab you and you're not reverting back to the means of what you thought she or who you thought she was, this is actually a thought out, I really miss her. Maybe I shouldn't have cancelled our friendship type situation. If that's the case, I'm going to be honest, I literally did this maybe six months ago

because I felt the same.

I was like, oh, maybe I was a have cancelled our friendship type situation. If that's the case, I'm gonna be honest,

I literally did this maybe six months ago

because I felt the same.

I was like, oh, maybe I was a bit too brash. Maybe I decided something because she somewhat stung me a little emotionally until I just walked away. But actually, this is a friendship that maybe I want to recalculate. And so I messaged and I was honest, I was like, Look, I wanted to reach out and see how you're doing.

You've been on my mind and I don't have the message

from funmi others, I actually would read it.

It was something like, but as I go through parry menopause, I've realized who matters to me, what people actually carry weight in my life. And I just want to let you know that I've been thinking about you and I wanted to reach out and see how you're doing. You're not being direct, I wasn't being direct, I wasn't saying like can we be friends again, I was kind of, let's say, thrown out an olive branch. Now that olive branch is the only thing you can do in that situation. You can't force them to be friends, I'm not going to revert back to the means of who Lisa used to be. So they responded in very sweet and kind like oh my god Lisa thank you your transparency really hit me I feel your

heart and now we're amicable. We're not friends. I don't hang out with her. But I feel good that I was the person I was able to step out step out of my comfort zone and reach out to the person that I wanted to because I never want to have regrets. Like I've done so many episodes actually the death doula on my show once. And she said Lisa people on their deathbed, they never regret the things they do, they regret the things they didn't do. And just remember that, I didn't want to regret never saying something. I can handle being rejected, like that just comes as part being human. But I couldn't handle me never being brave enough to speak up and actually say what I wanted and what was important and now the great news is I can actually die being happy that I did the hard thing and reached out to the person that maybe I'd have regrets not reaching out to. So there you have it. Alright now moving on to another question. This question is from Federica as Chunu Min. Guys have you want to really hear me butch your name? This is a matter of question. That's a short way. Alright, so she asks, how do you navigate having a toxic sister-in-law when your partner avoids conflict and doesn't step in? Oh my god, this question hit me so hard. Now, I'm going to talk very specifically about if you have a toxic sister in law, but you can extrapolate

my answer into people that you know, someone that maybe is related to you or someone that your partner is related to, so you don't have to think, well if I don't have a sister in law this doesn't apply, it actually really does because it's rather universally my opinion on this, because it just happened to me. So what recently happened was, so I've been married, let me just just give you context, I've been married now for 24, almost 24 years. And I have learnt

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