Pursuer Distancer (2016 Rerun)
Psychology In Seattle Podcast
Kirk Honda
4.6 • 1.2K Ratings
🗓️ 7 October 2025
⏱️ 58 minutes
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Summary
This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/KIRK to get 10% off your first month.
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December 29, 2016
The Psychology In Seattle Podcast ®
Trigger Warning: This episode may include topics such as assault, trauma, and discrimination. If necessary, listeners are encouraged to refrain from listening and care for their safety and well-being.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | So, Berto, someone wrote in and they want our advice about how to deal with a relationship in what, you know, she's married and they're not having sex anymore and they're having some conflict about it. |
| 0:21.4 | And so I thought I would read her email and we could talk about advice or different approaches |
| 0:28.1 | to that since it's commonly a thing that couples will and individuals will come to me in therapy |
| 0:34.3 | for. They'll sit in my office and actually present this as something that they want |
| 0:40.5 | to work on what do you say that sounds fascinating let's delve in okay so i'm going to have this |
| 0:46.8 | email be anonymous patron uh i wasn't sure if you wanted me to read your name so i just |
| 0:53.6 | going to read this anonymous. |
| 0:55.6 | So I'm going to break her email into a few parts, and we'll just sort of chime in now and then. |
| 1:03.5 | So she says, Kirk, my husband and I have been together for nine years. |
| 1:08.1 | By the way, what are we listening to right now? |
| 1:10.2 | Oh, this is called the |
| 1:11.7 | Psychology in Seattle podcast. I'm your host, Dr. Kirk Honda. I am a professor and a therapist. |
| 1:18.7 | My name is Umberto Castaneda, and I was an open heart surgeon, but my hands got injured. |
| 1:24.7 | So she says, my husband and I have been together for nine years. We've been |
| 1:29.4 | having problems for a while now with intimacy and trust. It's been about five years since the |
| 1:35.2 | decline of our sex life, and we've been arguing a lot about it. He thinks my attention must |
| 1:41.4 | be going elsewhere. He has accused me of everything from having an affair to being a lesbian. |
| 1:48.2 | At first, I didn't know what was wrong with me. |
| 1:51.4 | Berto, any thoughts? |
| 1:53.5 | That's that, I have to imagine that that would be very common, that one person is feeling, you know, like, wait, what's going on? |
| 2:00.0 | Where are we no hanky-panky? And then they start |
| 2:02.7 | thinking, wait a minute. Is it me? Is it some other person? Is it that they're, yeah, like, |
... |
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