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Distorted View Daily

Purchasing A Fresh, Never-Frozen Child

Distorted View Daily

Tim Henson

Comedy Fiction, Society & Culture, Relationships, Personal Journals, Improv, Fiction, Comedy

4.81.1K Ratings

🗓️ 29 August 2022

⏱️ 47 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

ON TODAY’S SHOW Introduction 0:00.000 Back After A Relaxing Weekend 2:49.162 Physical Air Guitar And Lady Diaper Bleeding 4:24.897 When Catching A Predator Goes Very Wrong 10:34.806 When A Tweaker Snaps To 16:49.072 Bob Hickman Still Has God Inside Of Him 17:52.297 Sign Up For The Sideshow! 23:12.797 Trying To Buy A Fresh, Never Frozen Child At A Grocery Store 25:32.572 Looking For A Prostitute On Your Honeymoon 30:45.836 Florida: Stolen Porta-Potty Capital Of The World 33:41.854 The Sobriety-Test Irish […]

Transcript

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0:00.0

Hey, Freaks, it's Monday, August 29th, 2022, coming up on the program today, defending

0:05.7

the use of diapers for women with a torrential-style heavy-flow menstruation, plus a predator-catching

0:12.1

results in self-stabbing, trying to buy a child at a wind-dixie, and looking for extramarital

0:17.6

poon on your honeymoon.

0:47.6

I've been buying both of them, and they couldn't believe how you treated me. You fucked me

0:52.3

on that deal, man. You didn't tell me there'd be a $4,000 penalty when I painted off earlier

0:57.7

or painted off in two or three years, but they gave me 6.2% in combining both my loans,

1:04.4

and I might pray for you and I might not, but you have to fuck people, man. I wonder

1:08.6

if your mama knew when she raised you and patted you on the head that you'd be working

1:12.4

for these sleazy-ass credit card companies, fucking people over, man. I badmouthed out

1:16.9

everybody I can, and my name is s**t. You know who I'm talking about? I'm gonna play for

1:22.5

you, man, but you know, I hope you get a slow stomach cancer or a rectum cancer or something

1:26.8

like that. If somebody you love gets some kind of disease, because you fucked me on this,

1:30.4

man, and I worked my whole life for this house, and I didn't know, you know, I'll call

1:34.9

you all up, y'all fuck me, y'all fuck me, and you fuck me. And then on the other alone,

1:38.9

I got through y'all, y'all raised the price three times, and I'm putting the hex on you,

1:44.2

man, wait and see, and about three weeks just by throwing up something, and then you're

1:48.0

gonna get slow stomach cancer, I hope. That's un-Christian to say, I know, but you're a dogass,

1:54.4

man, you can't fuck people like this, man. So, you know, kiss my ass and don't send me

1:59.0

no more paperwork, and I never called you to cuss you like this, but you sent me new

2:03.6

paperwork, and I'm telling you to get bugged. And either you or somebody you love is gonna

2:08.0

get slow stomach cancer, I'm putting the hex on you, man. I probably have bad luck trying

...

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