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The Bert Show

PT 2: We’re Flying Abby To Another State For A Blind Date!

The Bert Show

The Bert Show

News, Comedy, Entertainment News, Society & Culture

4.14.4K Ratings

🗓️ 15 August 2025

⏱️ 7 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

She's going on a cross country blind date! Should we stop Abby last minute before she attends a listener's wedding and potentially meets the man of her dreams?!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

You're on The Birch Show. I remember the day vividly. My dad took me out for a steak dinner one night. And he asked me what I want to do with my life. I'm going to cross my legs. I want to pee myself. And I'm 18 or 19 years old at the time. And I tell him, you know what? I think I want to be in radio or do sports or something like that. And he says, why don't you do something meaningful with your life?

0:24.3

Why don't you be an attorney or, you know, as Jews do, an accountant?

0:29.1

And I said, no, no, no, no, dad.

0:30.8

I'm going to have a long career in radio.

0:32.5

And today, if I could go back to that conversation and sit down with him again, I'd say, Dad, you're

0:40.1

right. Radio is stupid. And the one thing I wouldn't want to do with my life is 30 years later,

0:46.8

be on the radio without a shirt, matted down chest hair, and a green, what do you even call

0:53.1

this thing? A fur trapper hat.

0:56.0

And sunglasses.

0:57.3

And why do I look like this?

0:58.9

I mean, you, sir, are the spitting image of Travis Kelsey from his GQ covers.

1:06.7

You are rocking it.

1:07.4

You are a much hairier. It's kind of giving worm. The chest hair is giving parasite.

1:16.5

But otherwise, you look very Travis Kelsey-esque.

1:20.0

All right. I don't even know where to go from here. Is it real bad?

1:24.9

It's not good. I don't know how we go the rest of the show like this.

1:28.7

That's what I was going to say.

1:29.5

We're continuing to do the show. I'll put the tank top on here after this segment. But other than that, I'll keep it on here. I do need to see some... I sincerely haven't had chest hair in 20 years. And I know it wouldn't go in like this. No, absolutely not. And I'm sure after seeing this, you will continue to trim and shave your

1:46.0

chest for the remainder of your days. Yes, Tommy. Shouldn't you walk down the street like that?

1:52.0

What is with you? Just walk down the street. Why are you? Let the people see. No. I do feel like

1:58.8

you need a refresher on your coffee if you want to pop on over to the break room and get some coffee.

2:03.3

I'll do that after. Sure. I'll give everybody a little pixie. Yeah. Okay. I'm sure there are some HR issues here. But your chest days are paying off, man. All right? Yeah. Okay. How much you give us a little flex? Popping, looking good. Alright.

...

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