Why is a duck in my podcast? I hear you say. Well, I need your help. We live in a water stressed area and this can affect our local environment, even in the winter. By making small everyday changes, you can save water and money of your bills. So when you want to warm up in a bath, try filling it up just one inch less. You could save up to 10 litres of water. Find more tips at affinity

water.com.uk.com.U.S.SafR.R.Safewater. Safe water, safe money and help save our streams.

Welcome to another exciting edition of Plank of the Week. The most successful television show

in the history of talk radio because, of course, it's the only television show we do here at talk radio, but it is

very successful. People look forward to it, and I'm delighted to say that Patrick Christie's

back with us, a man about town, broadcaster, journalist, soon to be legal, eagle, I hear

as well. But we'll come up with that later. Madeline Grant is here as well,

of course, also columnist at the Sunday Telegraph. Welcome. I guess we better get to it, Patrick.

What's your first nomination? So my first nomination is a lady by the name of Natasha Bouchard,

who is the Calais Mayor in France. Now, Natasha Bouchard presumably comes from quite a long line

of garlic wearing, chateau dwelling cheese crunching

surrender merchants. However, despite that, she has decided that she wants to declare maritime

war against the Brits for us sending our Navy into the Trond Channel.

I thought they'd already done that by sending all these dinghies over to be honest.

Well, this is it. So, so, so, you know, I hope she's...

That was the reconnaissance. Yeah, but I hope she's got a giant

maritime crane, actually, because she's going to need to winch most of the French Navy off the bottom

of the sea after we had to sink them all, given their inglorious retreats from the Nazis.

So... Well, hang on, aren't we supposed to be in some kind of joint Air Force Navy with them now?

Because none of us have got enough money to actually have her own. Well, probably, yes. But I like the fact that if we went to Maritime War with the French, they currently can't stop, the entire

might of the French Navy can't stop a few dinghies from crossing the channels. Presumably, if we just

sailed out them with force, they'd guide us ashore, move us on into Spain and tell the Spanish that that were their problem now. Yes, I guess that's what they would do. But I mean, you know, I suppose the mayor of Calais has got pretty good reason not to like the Brits.

...