Tonight on Piers Morgan, I'm censored with me Jeremy Kyle.

Stabbed for his words as Salman Rushdie fights for his life,

will discuss one of the fights of his life, the defense of free speech.

Our proposal, which is to prevent those energy prices going, increases going forward.

Starma Chameleon emerges from his summer in camouflage,

but his Labour's energy crisis plan off colour.

The England players protesting to the referee.

Plus Peter Schiltern, one of the greatest goalies of all time, on keeping the dark secret

of his gambling addiction. Good evening, my friends, and a big, big welcome to Pear's Morgan Unsensored.

I'm Jeremy Carl. Now, stand by. Inform the authorities. Call off the search parties. Take down your posters

and relax, my friends, because Sakea Stama has been located, safe and well.

There he is, finally back from the beach with a massive plan to tackle your cost of living crisis.

He says he wants to freeze your fuel bills. No word yet on whether he'll stop blowing hot air to facilitate that, but at least he's back on dry land, which is more than can be said of our Prime Minister Boris Johnson, who is again on holiday. Not another one? Yes, dear, another one. The PM's on his second holiday and a fortnight. Last week in Slovenia, this time in Greece, but do not fret, because officials insist he's working from home.

We wrote this. Yeah, right. Next week, he's working from Rome. But speaking of dry land,

the arid, arid land of Great Britain. Some great news, my friends.

It's raining!

Give me that umbrella!

Watch this.

We prayed for a downpour.

And the heavens...

Oh my, it's windy as well!

The heavens have opened.

...