Perfectionism in Disguise: How Self-Growth Became Another Standard to Meet with Ellen Hendriksen • 382

Mind Love • Modern Mindfulness to Think, Feel, and Live Well

Melissa Monte | Conscious Coach

Mental Health, Mindfulness, Consciousness, Personal Growth, Spiritual Growth, Inspirational, Awakening, Religion & Spirituality, Spirituality, Education, Self-improvement, Health & Fitness

4.9 • 897 Ratings

🗓️ 7 January 2025

⏱️ 67 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

We will learn: The surprising difference between healthy high standards and destructive perfectionism How to recognize when your good intentions have become rigid rules that no longer serve you Why true connection comes from sharing our messy parts, not our perfect performance Have you ever caught yourself putting something off because you're waiting for the perfect moment, the perfect idea, or the perfect version of yourself to emerge? Maybe you don't consider yourself a perfectionist because your closet isn't color-coded or your life doesn't look Instagram-perfect. But what if perfectionism shows up in the way you hold yourself back? What's fascinating is that perfectionism isn't actually about being perfect – it's about never feeling good enough. And in our current culture of "hustle harder" and "live your best life," this feeling of inadequacy has found the perfect breeding ground. We're even trying to perfect the way we practice self-care or show up authentically – can you see the irony? Today our guest is Ellen Hendriksen, a clinical psychologist and author of "How to Be Enough: Self-Acceptance for Self-Critics and Perfectionists." She brings a fresh perspective to the perfectionism conversation by showing us how our values can secretly transform into rigid rules, and how true growth comes not from perfect execution, but from authentic alignment with what matters most to us. Links from the episode: Show Notes: mindlove.com/382 Join the wait list for Living Mind Love Become a Mind Love Member for high-value Masterclasses, Growth Workbooks, Monthly Meditations, and Uninterrupted Listening FREE 5-Days to Purpose Email Course Sign up for The Morning Mind Love for short daily notes to wake up inspired Support Mind Love Sponsors Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Have you ever caught yourself putting something off because you're waiting for the perfect moment,
0:04.5	or the perfect idea, or even the perfect version of yourself to emerge?
0:10.5	Maybe you don't consider yourself a perfectionist because your closet isn't color-coded or something,
0:16.0	your life doesn't look Instagram perfect.
0:18.7	But what if perfectionism shows up in the way that you hold
0:21.7	yourself back? I used to be kind of proud of my perfectionism, but here's something funny. I'm
0:27.5	pretty sure that my ADHD was actually protecting me from the worst of its effects. See, my
0:33.5	perfectionist brain wanted everything to be flawless. But my ADHD brain wouldn't let me
0:39.0	start anything till the very last minute. So instead of spending weeks agonizing over making
0:44.1	everything perfect, I'd have to squeeze all that perfectionist energy into a four-hour sprint the
0:49.9	night before it was due. There wasn't really time to overthink or polish. I just had to get it done.
0:56.0	It wasn't until I started working for myself that I realized just how deep my perfectionism ran.
1:02.0	So without hard deadlines or grades at stake, I could push things back indefinitely until they felt perfect.
1:09.0	So projects that should have taken days ended
1:12.6	up stretching into weeks or months, and ideas got trapped in my mind because I couldn't
1:17.0	figure out the perfect way to execute them. So suddenly, without all of the constraints of external
1:22.8	deadlines, my perfectionism had free reign to run my life. But what's fascinating is that perfectionism
1:30.3	isn't actually about being perfect. It's about never feeling good enough. And in our current
1:37.0	culture of hustle harder and live your best life, this feeling of inadequacy has found the perfect
1:44.0	breeding ground.
1:45.5	So we're even trying to perfect the way we practice self-care or show up authentically.
1:51.0	Can you see the irony?
	...

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