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Judge John Hodgman

Pepperoni Pauper

Judge John Hodgman

Jesse Thorn

World, Show, Complete, Hodgeman, Comedy, Pc, Daily, Hodgman, Mac, More, Expertise, Knowledge, Information

4.87.7K Ratings

🗓️ 19 October 2011

⏱️ 33 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

A young couple battle embarrassing behavior and bags of trash in search of unpeeled prize tickets for a shot at redemption. And a free slice of pizza. Or a free Coke.

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Welcome to the Judge John Hodgman podcast. I'm Baylor Fjessi Thorn. This week, the case

0:06.2

of the pepperoni popper. Flynn brings the case. In his home nation, Canada, pizza boxes

0:13.1

carry prize tags, which can mean free pizza slices, colas, and even motorcycles or electronics.

0:20.6

Flynn says that these prize tags are often discarded along with the pizza boxes, and that

0:25.6

he scored many free meals by digging through the trash near restaurants. His girlfriend

0:31.2

Helen says it's embarrassing to dig through trash, and that no free slice could ever make

0:37.0

up for the shame of doing so. Is Flynn an embarrassment to humanity? Or is he a free pizza

0:44.0

genius? Only one man can decide. Please rise as Judge John Hodgman enters the courtroom.

0:50.6

Oh, I love trash. Anything dirty or dingy or dusty. Anything ragged or rotten or rusty.

1:01.3

I judge it because it's trash. You may swear them in Baylor Fjessi.

1:06.6

Please rise and raise your right hands. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth,

1:10.8

and nothing but the truth, so help you God or whatever? Yes, I do.

1:14.0

Yep. Do you swear to abide by Judge John Hodgman's ruling despite the fact that he hasn't

1:19.0

had to pay for food in a restaurant since he joined the cast of the Daily Show in roughly

1:23.5

2005? Yes. Very well. Judge Hodgman? You may be seated. First of all, Flynn, Helen, I

1:30.2

would just like to stipulate that when I came into the courtroom singing about judging trash,

1:34.6

that did not mean that I was judging you or that you were yourself's trash. That was

1:40.2

merely me singing the song from the American television show Sesame Street, made famous

1:45.1

by Oscar the Grouch. I love trash. In my weekly attempt to at least say or do something

1:50.8

related to judging or singing after Jesse introduces me. So again, just be clear, while this

1:57.2

case does involve garbage, I do not consider either a view human garbage, even though one

2:02.8

of you eats garbage. So let's get to the case. Flynn, you were the one who initially contacted

...

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