Party Animals. What's the most desperate or tragic thing that you've witnessed in a nightclub?

The sole nightclub and the town of about 10,000 people in rural Yorkshire where I'd grown up,

and the only place opened past midnight. That place had some grim sights in it. The average age

was probably about 20, but the range was usually about 15 to 60.

There was a chip and kebab pizza shop inside the club, so you quite often saw people dancing with a

pint in one hand and a styrofoam box of chips in the other. But the really desperate part

was the revolving dance floor. I don't know why the club had this, but it was just

awful. It turned into a kind of perverts sushi bar, just desperate men standing around the edge,

beckoning and trying to dance with the girls in the middle, and when they got rejected,

they'd just wait for the girl to go round a time more or two, have a bit more to drink, and then try again.

I live in a university town, and there's this old guy, at least 60, maybe even in his 70s,

who frequents the same bar the students do. He wears a sequined blazer, a pair of short shorts and speedos.

I don't even know why he shows up. He always looks so scared and

uncomfortable. Older people at clubs actually tend to liven them up if they're comfortable and

in their element. If you can go through 40 and come out the other side wanting to party more,

more power to you. How do you do, fellow kids? We were at a nightclub and my buddy went to the bathroom to go number two. I realized

he came back with a bouncer attached to his neck. I guess he got into a fight in the bathroom,

so me and him were standing outside the club. He goes on to take out a cigarette. Keep in mind

that the walls of these bars are like the stony ones, like gravel. I don't know how to explain it, the ones that have many rocks sticking out.

Anyway, he leans against the wall, lights his smoke, pulls down his pants, and smears a dump down the wall.

He's not done, he proceeds to rub his butt all over it, smearing the brown like Picasso.

He looks at me and says, let's get out of here.

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