Parents, what's the most messed up thing you've caught your kid doing?

My wife was driving our then three-year-old back from her aunt's house to eat lunch.

She noticed him crammed something in his mouth and start chewing, and she asked him what he was eating.

No response. Thinking he might be choking or something, she breaks hard, pulls over to the side of the road,

yanks the back door open and grabs a

French fry out of his mouth. Now, they'd been to McDonald's several days before, and the car had been

cleaned since then, so she looks high and low to see where it came from. She gets suspicious and

takes the cover off his car seat. Lo and behold, there's about a dozen stale French fries in the folds

of the plastic car seat.

Far too many to be accounted for by random drops.

The kid was stashing them for later, like a squirrel.

This is tame by comparison to some of the other stories here, but here it is.

When my son was about a year old, I found him stuffing his pants pockets full of Vaseline,

scooping it out with his hands.

Really makes me wonder why little kids' clothes even have pockets. I was dressing my four-month-old

son the other day. His trousers had pockets on them. Like what the heck does a four-month-old need

pockets for? My four-year-old daughter used to stash steak knives in strategic locations around the house.

My neighbour busted her doing it. I didn't believe him until he pulled out a six-inch carving knife from behind a bookcase.

With the right mentor, your daughter will grow up to be an amazing badass.

My friend who worked in a residential treatment facility once found a kid who'd stuck a paper

clip into an electrical outlet and was lying on the floor looking at it. When asked what he was doing,

the kid replied, Every time I touched this with my tongue, I wet my pants. I read that in Ralph Wiggum's

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