Welcome to the Articharm Podcast where we break down the science of powerful communication and winning mindsets so you have the cheat code to succeed with people every episode is jam packed with actionable steps to unlock the hidden superpowers inside of you level up with us each week by listening to interviews with the best in business psychology and relationships we distilled thousands of hours of research in the most effective tools and the latest science so you can start winning today let's face it in order to be seen heard your communication needs to cut through the

windowways and we're going to show you how I'm AJ successfully recovered introvert entrepreneur and self development junkie and I'm Johnny Zubak former touring musician promoter rock and roller and co founder here at the articharm and for the last 15 years we've trained thousands of top performers and teams from every background we have dedicated our lives to teaching men and women all they need to know about communication networking and relationships you shouldn't have to settle for anything less than extraordinary all right today we have doctor

Robert Glover with us he's back after joining us very early on almost 15 years ago on the show he's the author of no more Mr. Nice guy a proven plan for getting what you want in love sex and life now doctor Glover's book has been profound for many of our members in our X factor accelerator and boot camp program it's a realization around behavior patterns in the way that they're showing up in the world that's actually repelling people and in today's episode

we're going to talk about the damage that being a nice guy or nice gal actually does to potential relationships we're going to cover covert contracts ways in which nice guys and gals are actually seen as manipulative and why that works against you building quality relationships

we're also going to discuss some simple ways that you can start to identify these low value behaviors in your life and make changes to rewrite your story to become someone who's not a pushover people pleaser or nice guy or nice gal

doctor Glover shares some great insight from the work that he does in his men's groups and we've loved and appreciated that book for many of our clients are so excited to have them back on the show welcome the show Dr. Glover

well hello doctor Glover it's been a long time since you've been on our show and we're thrilled to have you back because the subject of passive communication hasn't went anywhere in fact we still recommend your books to our clients because they're relevant to the situation that they are facing which is why am I not achieving at work

why am I not achieving and dating why am I not achieving in my own personal life and the reason being that is communication problems specifically passive communication

so Dr. Glover yeah it's good to be back with you guys you know I've got a real history with you guys because you know back in the day you're dating podcast I think was like the first podcast I ever listen to when I was trying to learn how to date

and I still remember you know you know like running laps in the park next to my house with headphones on listening listening to your podcast and then just you know a couple years later is like I was on your podcast and then hanging out with you guys in Tennessee a few years ago

oh yeah that was fun that was so much fun well our clients have thoroughly enjoyed your book and had a ton of great transformational results in the way they communicate and also breaking some of the patterns that have held them back

and this idea of nice guy syndrome I'd love to start there and just unpack that for our audience because many feel being nice is the way to get what you want out of life and yet they find ourselves again and again being left behind

yeah of course and I as you guys shared with me you have women in your audience as well and so I'll my work is evolved to where I primarily work with men but nice guy syndrome applies to women as well you know a lot of nice girls out there and practice many of us nice guys were trained to be nice guys by our nice girl mothers

and so yeah it's been around so you know I was one of those people that for most of my life thought you know I told him I'm a nice guy I'm one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet and I thought why why doesn't everybody be that way why isn't everybody is kind

and caring and generous and helpful and peaceful you know as I you know I valued myself to be and primarily I was trying to be different from my father who wasn't a bad man but you know

his moods and he was demanding and he could be critical and my mom kept saying I'm raising my sons to be different from their father and so I was trying to be different and different and all the bad men I heard you know angry feminists complain about the 60s and 70s when I was just becoming an adolescent and so I thought yeah I'll be that good guy I'll be the good guy and women alike me because you know mom complains about my dad the women complained about the bad men they'll they'll like me and

so I would I would use what I call nice guy seduction you know when I was a teenager in into college I you know I would never go talk about direct communication I I wouldn't directly communicate with a woman I I would go watch her from afar

you know maybe maybe see if I could sit next to her in class and then you know raise my hand and answer as many questions as I could from the teacher or professor to show her how smart I am and maybe I you know I would ask her an indirect question

or maybe I'd help her do something or you know just be nice and maybe if I ever got the nerve up I might say I don't I don't get you'd want to go out with me sometime would you and you know that's as indirect as you can be and so I I was in my early 30s and my second marriage and my second wife said to me you know I this this

is something that made no sense to me she said you need to get help she said you know everybody thinks you're such a nice guy but you're not you can be passive aggressive you can be hurtful you embarrassed me you say mean things to me you have these

victim pukes that you know where your your resentments build up and and so you know I I actually went and joined a 12 step group and got a therapist trying to figure out why me being a nice guy didn't make my wife love me and

appreciate me and one has x with me and being a good mood and luckily fortunately I landed in some really good environments to really start taking a good

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