Welcome to the Black Girl Burnout podcast.

Kelly here.

And today I want to talk to you all about how to opt out of the concept of low maintenance.

In a previous episode, I talked about how to opt into soft evenings.

And I talked a little bit about the thought process behind what started me on the journey to

introduce a lot more softness into my life and to create routines, particularly in the mornings

and the evenings that bring me calm, that make me feel cozy, that make me feel good. And as I was discussing

that kind of the way my mind got to that point for myself, part of it was wrapped up in a rejection

of what I had so proudly called being low maintenance. My entire life, I had really prided myself on being, what I defined as

being low maintenance, which was really all about just self-denial and trying to shrink myself

and my needs to make myself more attractive to others, whether it be platonic or romantic.

There were elements of being low maintenance that were preference that I don't think was a bad

thing. I was really into being quote unquote natural. So I didn't really do a lot of nail

polish. I didn't do too much makeup at all. I didn't wear makeup probably until many years

later. And I liked that. And so I want to make a distinction between being low maintenance,

being a preference in maybe an aesthetic, let's say, or a look versus low maintenance in your personality,

low maintenance in how you are taking care of, that I want to draw a line to.

There are certain things that we choose for ourselves that are preferences. And those are not right or wrong.

They're just choices. But I want to talk about low maintenance as an excuse or that we're using to really say low effort, self-denial and honestly justify people giving us less.

What I didn't realize is beneath the not wearing makeup and beneath those other choices

was something else much more troubling, which was I was trying to package myself as low

maintenance because I wanted people to like me and

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