Opt Into Restful Love
Black Girl Burnout
Kelley Bonner
4.7 • 762 Ratings
🗓️ 3 March 2025
⏱️ 17 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
In this episode of the Black Girl Burnout podcast, Kelley introduces a new monthly theme centered on the concept of 'Restful Love’. She challenges traditional notions that equate love with struggle, particularly for Black women, and proposes reframing love as a source of rest and emotional safety. Kelley discusses the prevalence of ‘struggle love’ in the media and social culture as she points out the impact it has on relationships. Today’s episode also previews an amazing upcoming conversation with therapist and trauma specialist, Dr. Resmaa Menakem. More, more, and still more is within your reach in 2025. Tune in today and prepare yourself to engage in realistic strategies that can help you with opting into a life filled with abundance and joy.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Welcome to the Black Girl Burnout podcast, Kelly here, and today I want to start off by asking the question, |
| 0:16.2 | What if love felt like rest? Welcome to a new month and a new theme. This month we're exploring how to |
| 0:26.2 | march into rest. See what I did there? This is where we explore how rest shows up in our |
| 0:33.9 | relationships. Last month, we focused on rest for ourselves. But this month, if you're |
| 0:40.5 | listening to it in real time, March is about bringing ease into how we love and how we connect. |
| 0:46.2 | And the question to sit with is, what if love didn't feel like work? What if it felt like rest? So if this is a new idea for you or something |
| 0:59.3 | that's made you kind of stop and pause and get all the warm and fuzzy feelings and at the |
| 1:06.0 | same time feel like, I don't know what that would look like. I don't, I've never thought of it that way. |
| 1:13.6 | This month is for you. And more importantly, this isn't something that is a deficiency in you or |
| 1:22.2 | this isn't something that you missed getting. I would argue that the hard work we have to do is in reframing the |
| 1:30.5 | idea of love into one that is a space or a feeling of rest. So often women, particularly |
| 1:40.2 | black women, associate love with struggle, with an overcoming. And honestly, it's not our |
| 1:48.0 | fault. We have been conditioned since childhood and generations before us to accept that. I don't know |
| 1:55.8 | if you're like me, but I love a good rom-com. I'm actually a rom-com snob, to be honest. I don't love a lot of |
| 2:04.9 | today's rom-coms, and I'm like a rom-com old school purist. I love old black and white films. |
| 2:11.6 | I love the rom-coms of the 90s and the early 2000s, but they all have a similar theme. It's two people meeting, two people |
| 2:21.5 | falling in love, two people overcoming some big obstacle. And at the end of overcoming is the |
| 2:30.5 | sweetness of a resolution and maybe that happily ever after. |
| 2:36.8 | However, in reality, when it comes to romantic love, we often know that if we work too hard |
| 2:44.1 | at a romantic relationship, we never get the feeling of the happily ever after. |
| 2:50.0 | We just get the feeling of work, |
| 2:53.5 | of the fact that there's always one more thing to overcome. And when you look at movies that are |
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