On my sixth arrest, I woke up at my parents' house and my father was waiting downstairs for me,

which was like the worst, one of the most sickening moments of my life,

and then have to walk downstairs to confront them. I can still feel how I felt in that moment. It was awful.

When I was 19, I was really overweight.

I think at that point I'd gained like 80-something pounds.

It was to the point where it's like, I can't even find a picture because I completely avoided a camera.

Like there's one, it's just my head and it's pretty bad, but that's it.

And I remember I was at, it was the weekend of my friend's birthday. And she said she wanted to have a party and she was going to invite a bunch of people from high school.

And immediately I just felt like a complete sense of anxiety wash over me because I thought, oh my gosh, I looked so much better then.

You know, but I've like spiraled into gaining all this weight and I felt like, oh gosh, I really hope I don't run into anybody. And so the weekend comes and, you know, it's the start of the party. I think we're pre-gaming, whatever. People are coming in. Nobody's saying anything, right? And it's like this big, for me, it felt like an elephant in the room. Like, hi, I haven't seen you since I gained 80 pounds, right? Like, I am aware of this. And nobody was saying anything. It was all going as planned. Like, it felt fine. And then it was probably close to the end of the night, and I went to go to the bathroom, and I walked through the hallway hallway and there was this guy that I've been friends with in high school who was there and I saw him

and I was like oh hey and he was like hey and he was like man such a shame and I was like what and I just

like in that moment knew he was going to say something.

And he said, he's like, dang, he's like, it was so crude.

But it was like, it's really just a shame because, like, he used to be so hot, but you're just so fat.

And I was like, wow.

And in that moment, all I felt was like white, hot, like your eyes see red, you know, like white, hot rage.

And funny enough, it was not at him at all.

It was completely at myself.

Because my first thought after he said it was I agree you're right

I would and it was like I couldn't even be mad at the guy because I'm like what are you doing

stating the facts like I'm aware as well and I left early and I went home and I just felt so compelled to do something.

I remember I got on Facebook because Facebook was cool at the time.

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