On Our Third Date, I Asked for a Joint Bank Account

Modern Love

The New York Times

Storytelling, Nytimes, Nyt, Redemption, New York Times, Society & Culture, Loss, Essay, Love

4.3 • 9K Ratings

🗓️ 12 November 2025

⏱️ 46 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Janene Lin loathed the moment when the dinner bill would hit the table. When her date would pay, she felt like her love was for sale. Splitting the bill felt like no one had anything at stake. Most of the time, she would pay the bill herself, but that left her feeling uncared-for. So Janene prepared a pitch: On her next date, her third with a man named Aodhán, she would ask to open a joint bank account. On this episode of Modern Love, Lin tells our host, Anna Martin, why this risky move felt like the best solution, how Aodhán reacted and what it taught her about what money means to her and her family. This episode is adapted from Janene Lin’s essay The Woman Who Always Paid for Dinner. Here’s how to submit a Modern Love Essay to The New York Times. Here’s how to submit a Tiny Love Story. Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

Transcript

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0:00.0	Love now and...
0:03.2	Did you fall in love?
0:04.0	Love was stronger than anything.
0:07.0	For the love.
0:08.3	And I love you more than anything.
0:11.4	There's to love.
0:13.4	Love. Love.
0:15.5	From the New York Times, I'm Anna Martin.
0:17.5	This is Modern Love.
0:19.2	Let me tell you about my least favorite part of a date.
0:23.8	It's the moment the bill hits the table. Regardless of whether the date's been good, the date's
0:30.4	been bad, when that bill comes, I'm frozen. I don't know what to do. I'm like, should I do
0:35.6	the slow reach for the wallet hoping the guy slaps that Amex down? Do I just let him throw the card down and then get sort of offended? Because it's like, do you think I can't pay for this? It's just a vodka soda. Should we split it, which is always kind of weird? Should I Venmo him? Should I Venmo him? It's like, oh, God, every option is so undignified.
0:56.7	But today, I'm talking to a modern love essayist who had an unexpected solution to that exact
1:02.5	problem. Here is what she did. On her third date with a guy, she proposed they open a joint
1:09.5	checking account.
1:14.7	And I have to say, even though that sounds quite extreme,
1:17.4	her reasoning actually started to convince me.
1:19.5	Here's our conversation.
1:27.3	Janine Lynn, welcome to Modern Love. Thanks for having me, Anna.
1:29.3	I want to tell you that I am talking to you on an incredibly fortuitous day because I have a date tonight, and I know that when the check comes,
1:38.3	we're going to do that horrible, weird little dance where I like reach for the wallet, but I'm looking at him,
	...

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