You're human, barely. I'm a lawyer.

I know a lot about the lawn, various other loyarrings. I'm well-educated, well-first.

It's a thorny legal issue, alright. I'll need to refer to the case of Finders vs. Keepers.

Isn't it true that you have been paid for your testimony? Yes, you gave me a dollar and some candy.

And you have been said, well I told you to say, how can any of us trust you?

How can you be so sure? Because I was saying to myself, where could he be going?

I was saying to myself, where could he be going? Five to seven with that sawdust shotgun.

Welcome to Opening Arguments, a podcast that pairs a comedian with a real-life lawyer.

This podcast is sponsored by the law offices of P. Andrew Torres, LLC for entertainment purposes,

is not intended as legal advice and does not form an attorney-client relationship.

Don't take legal advice from a podcast.

Hello and welcome to Opening Arguments. This is episode 66, oh man, we should have had a satanic deep dive scheduled.

Darn. Well, we do have Liz Dye, so that's got to count for something, right?

Harsh. Harsh call is.

I'm Thomas, hopefully not yet unfriended by Liz. That's Andrew, definitely unfriended by Liz. How's it going, Andrew?

It was great up until I decided to be an idiot eight seconds ago.

It's fine. We're all unfriending everybody on Twitter. It's cool. Nobody has any friends anymore.

And spoiler alert, Liz is here. There's no hiding it any longer. How are you doing Liz?

Hey, good. How are you?

Good. Little bit of news today, you know.

I hear Trump's going to jail.

This is a monumentous day, right? Like, I mean, this is a day that if history classes still taught kids to memorize dates,

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